[2BNTV]

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little *******.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Children Are Quick
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TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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______________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
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PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off

[pooh]

Very good!

[tomwed]

They are brilliant. thank-you

[JerryP]

Keep them coming.

[kittygilchrist]

Enjoyed...

[graciegirl]

Veddy good AND Brilliant. Top drawer too.

[Boudicca]

Ah, yes. The droll humor of my early years

[tomwed]

When I need a laugh I go to British Humor. If you Youtube Catherine Tate [a sketch artist like Carol Burnett] or the show "The IT Crowd" [to meet the real nerds] you will see what I find funny.

[Bubble Gum]

I love British Humor -- dry and right to the point.

Most of it really gets you thinking!