ALERT----ALERT---ALERT
This is a JOKE. This website, in collaboration with the FCC and other authorities have devised this system to keep you apprised in the event of an INSULT. If this had been an actual INSULT, you would be apprised of how and when to respond. This is only a JOKE:

*HOW TO BECOME A LIBERAL*

1. You must believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
2. You must believe the same teacher who cannot teach 4th graders to read is somehow qualified to teach them about sex.
3. You must believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands of Chinese Communists.
4. You must believe there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You must believe global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by SUVs.
6. You must believe gender roles are artificial, but homosexuality is natural.
7. You must be against capital punis#$%$ent, but in favor of abortion on demand.
8. You must believe business creates oppression and the government creates prosperity.
9. You must believe self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
10. You must believe the military, not politicians, start wars where military personnel, not politicians, die.
11. You must believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution
12. You must believe taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
13. You must believe standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.
14. You must believe Hillary Clinton and Elena Kagan are ladies.
15. You must believe the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
16. You must believe homosexual parades are Constitutionally protected, but manger displays at Christmas are illegal.
17. You must believe that anyone who dislikes "ANYTHING" about Obama is a racist.
18. You must believe that anyone who wants to pay less tax and take back the extreme weakening in Washin#$%$on is an idiot.
19. You must believe that everything that is going wrong now is Bush's fault.
20. YOU MUST LOVE THE CHANGE YOU VOTED FOR!