I think the answer to every one of your questions is the one you would like to hear. Your can hear tons about The Villages (TV), good and bad, pro and con, from a lot of sources. But in my experience TV is what you make of it...like most other places. You just have more options for what you make of it than most places.
If you like competition, it's readily available. But if you don't, nobody's gonna give a hoot.
Of course TV is known as a golfing community. But again, many don't play golf at all. Nobody thinks any differently of those that don't . In fact, that applies to any activity you choose. My wife and I play golf and other sports, just the two of us when we choose, no problem at all. Then we join others when we feel like it.
There are tons of activities for individuals AND couples. And as a couple, there's plenty to do for just the two of you, and plenty to do joining other couples.
Most groups I've partaken in have been very casual. Some are a bit more regimented. But I've yet to run into any that were too much so.
Finally, I only live in one village of course, but I'd be surprised if there any villages so dominated by organized, competitive groups that you couldn't find others who more fit your lifestyle.
In summary, while TV is very unique in many ways, it's just a community...a community with lots of stuff to do
. Maybe TV has a bit more commonality between residents...the retirement lifestyle...than most places, but it's just a place to live your life in a manner that you choose.
By the way, I may sound like a TV fanboy, but I'm not. It has issues to deal with just like everyplace else. Do I like the place? Of course I do. But I truly believe that it is what I said earlier...just what you make it out to be...with lots of options.
In other words...what Chipster said!!