47. “That’s what he’s best at. Putting a bow on a turd, marking up the price, and selling it so hard, you want it—even though you know it’s just a turd with a bow on it. America is that turd!”—Lewis Black

48. “Donald Trump said yesterday that if he's elected, he would 'probably not talk as much.' That's right, if Donald Trump is elected, even HE will be speechless.”—Seth Meyers

49. “It’s safe to say everything Trump touches turns to gold. Especially the Miss Teen U.S.A. contestants he pees on.”—Seth McFarlane

50. “Hillary Clinton said she went to Donald Trump's wedding but didn't give him a gift. Trump said, 'Just for that, you're not coming to my next three weddings.'”—Conan O'Brien

51. “Donald Trump has canceled a planned trip to Israel. When asked why, Trump said, 'They already have a wall and a fear of Muslims. My work there is done.'”—Conan O'Brien

52. “A word association poll found the words most associated with Donald Trump are idiot, jerk, stupid, and dumb. In other words, he really could be our next president. He's got everything it takes.”—Conan O'Brien

53. “A new poll released today shows Donald Trump is leading the Republican field with 24 percent. How far are we going to let this go? It's almost Thanksgiving. Trump is still leading. Next thing you know, he's winning Iowa, then he takes New Hampshire, then he somehow actually becomes the Republican nominee. And before you know it, Hillary Clinton is president!”—Seth Meyers

54. “Just got told exactly what Donald Trump is going to do Monday at the RNC. Mother of God. We are finally living in IDIOCRACY.”—Patton Oswalt

55. “A new study of the candidates' Facebook fans found that Donald Trump's fans have the worst grammar. Which isn't surprising, since Trump's whole campaign has been one, big run-on sentence. 'We need to build a wall and fix the economy and get back at China and Rosie O'Donnell and I'm very rich and here's a red hat and...'”—Jimmy Fallon

56. “I do think Donald Trump is honest in his own way. He is honestly an egomaniacal billionaire.” –Stephen Colbert

57. “Today Donald Trump signed a loyalty pledge to the Republican Party saying that he would endorse for president whoever wins the Republican nomination and would not run as a third-party candidate as he has threatened to in the past. And I'll tell you something. When Donald Trump makes a vow, he keeps it. Ask any of his wives, they will tell you.” –Jimmy Kimmel

More Donald John Trump jokes.