94. “I was in the elevator alone with him, just by chance. And he just looked so miserable. He looks so unhappy. And all that money… I realize this is weird, he has all those billions of dollars. But he’s ****ing billion dollars, because he needs a $100 billion to look in the mirror and not want to kill himself.”—Louis CK

95. “Today is the Republican caucus in Nevada, and Donald Trump is projected to win. When asked why they're voting for him, Americans said, 'We're used to doing things in Nevada that we'll regret tomorrow.'”—Conan O'Brien

96. “Is Trump seriously just now realizing his supporters are a bunch of window-licking water heads? Donald, you are talking to the craziest people in the country. You could literally take off your shoe mid-speech, hold it up to your ear, say you’re getting a call from Batman and they would be quiet until you hung up your shoe.”—Michael Che

97. “People are like, ‘I like Trump; he says what he thinks. What he thinks is stupid. That’s like if your friend is like, ‘I would like to **** your mom.’ Why would you say that? ... I don’t give a **** if you’re politically correct, just be correct, correct.”—Jon Stewart

98. “I don't believe that Donald Trump is a racist. He's just pandering to the most prejudiced segment of the country. He's hustling them. [...] None of what he's saying is true. You don't just develop racism overnight on the campaign trail. Racism is embedded deep down in a person's soul. I've looked into that man's eyes. Donald Trump doesn't have a soul.”—Michael Che

99. “Yeah, things are different. Donald Trump is leading in the polls. I’m going back (in a coma).”—Tracy Morgan

100. “Does Trump really think this bizarre show of faux-majesty is in any way regal? Because it’s actually kind of insane watching him stomp down the sidewalk on a carpet that’s being unspooled by two slobs who would be his sons if they weren’t to the tacky manor born. And it also sums up Donald Trump perfectly — what he thinks is spectacular is merely spectacularly low-rent to the rest of us.”—Tom Scharpling

101. “He’s an obscenely wealthy version of Erik Estrada or William Shatner, a cultural punch line who still has to exist as a human. And the worst part is that no matter how many times he tells us how mean he is, he needs us to like him so badly.”—Tom Scharpling

102. “Kids on the playground have more inherent logic in the games they just made up than Trump does in the eleventh season of his show (Celebrity Apprentice). But what is to be expected from a show that is decided by a grown-up version of a child emperor?”—Tom Scharpling

More Donald Trump jokes.