> tips from the redneck book of manners
>
> 1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
>
> 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
>
> 3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
>
> 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
>
> 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still
> considered tacky to drive a u-haul to the funeral home.

>
> dining out
>
> 1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers
> covering the label.
>
> 2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may
> not have dogs.

>
> entertaining in your home
>
> 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
> taxidermist.
>
> 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners
> are.

>
> personal hygiene
>
> 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be
> done in private using one's own truck keys
>
> 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
> however, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
>
> 3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend
> to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

>
> dating (outside the family)
>
> 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
>
> 2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'i've been wanting to go
> out with you since i read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years
> ago.'
>
> 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will
> say 10:00 pm; others might say 'monday.' if the latter is the answer, it
> is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
>
> 4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as,
> 'ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.’

>
> weddings
>
> 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
>
> 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
>
> 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund
> and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
>
> 4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special
> occasion.
>
> 5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the
> sack.

>
> driving etiquette
>
> 1. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
> always has the right of way.
>
> 2. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
>
> 3. When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is
> impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
>
> 4. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
>
> 5. Do not lay (burn) rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.