[Rapscallion St Croix]

Most of the extraterrestrials are biding their time hiding in boy bands. They are waiting for the signal to abscond with Earth's entire inventory of our most precious resource, oysters. They are angry because Earth has won every Miss Universe contest since its inception, and all the ones not in boy bands are lobbyists who have successfully stifled all attempts to put corned beef in a can that can be opened with a conventional can opener.