So many people don't understand severe depression. To know someone suffering doesn't count either but it at least scratches the surface of understanding.
Unless you've experienced it, you will never understand the mental anguish. It haunts you when you're awake and just waits for you to go to sleep. That's when some really horrific things wander through your mind. To your mind, perception is reality. Waking from a nightmare is quite real and the black dog can really cook up some bad ones.
I'm afraid Mr Bourdain's last thoughts were just pure hell. Thoughts that no one would ever understand.
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