- Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
- I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
- I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
- My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
- My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
- My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
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