[dewilson58]

Originally Posted by ColdNoMore

- Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

- I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

- I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

- My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

- My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

- My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.