Dear Blue States,
Got your letter and sorry to see you go. It's probably for the best, though.
We get the fresh air and sunshine - you get the LA smog and NY pollution.
We keep most of the national parks - you get most of the superfund clean-up sites.
We keep the Gulf States, most of the Midwest and the Southeastern Atlantic shore - you get to keep the Northeastern polluted waters and the California shoreline (until San Adreas "faults").
We keep most of the agricultural areas - you keep the rust belt.
We'll still sell you food, but you need to support your welfare cases on your own.
We're glad you get to keep Hollywood - We really have no need for Michael Moore or all of those stretch limosines with "save the environment" bumper stickers.
And most of all, we keep the Gateway to the West, The Big River, Mount Rushmore, the Big Sky country, the best music centers, Mayberry and The Villages - you get custody of the United Nations and most of DC.
You can keep all the pot - you're going to need it!
In the words of the millions of new residents who will be rushing to join your enlightened union - Vaya con Dios!
Regards,
...Red
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