[Boomer]

Thank you, MorTech. This is the first time in weeks I have smiled at a TOTV post. In fact, I have almost stopped looking — almost. Anyway, thanks.

Luv The Onion.

Gotta luv the Ted Baxter-esque demeanor of the “anchor.”

When I married (still happily), I had to step down from my position as president of the ABLU. (Attractive Boomer Ladies Union)

But I now chair the ABLU Advisory Committee.

The ABLU has certain rules and regs that will never change.

# 1 Rule: Members of the ABLU never settle — as in gotta have a man — any man. (shudder)

Other Rules:

ABLU members know that the most attractive part of a man is what’s between his ears — and that has nothing to do with hair.

ABLU members have made their own money and know how to manage it.

ABLU members never “loan” money to a “boyfriend,” nor do they co-sign anything.

ABLU members know that a committed relationship must be a partnership — a partnership in which each partner gives 100%.

ABLU members know that if they do give a guy a chance and he takes her out to dinner and then he treats the server shabbily, he does not get a second chance.

ABLU members like to be brought coffee in the morning, and to be somewhat spoiled in other ways — although ABLU members are permitted and encouraged to return the spoiling — for the right man.

(ABLU members have other rules, too, but I must get on with my day so I do not have time to list them. Perhaps another member will.)

But before I go, I must announce that the ABLU is saddened by the following:

The ABLU now has a relatively new rule — remained in committee for a while — but is now engraved in stone.

As much as it pains the ABLU to say this, we must. This rule makes things so much more difficult while making things so much easier — how weird is that.

This rule became necessary because never before in our boomer lifetime has politics caused such a terrible state of affairs — both figuratively and literally. Politics once did not matter so much. A rousing political discussion could be just that — discussions where critical thinking skills were getting a workout, where those involved used their own words. Such discussions could even be a little sexy. Those days are gone forever.

Therefore, ABLU members, upon giving a guy a second look, must quickly establish where he is on the spectrum. (If he is too far gone, ABLU members will know within minutes.) ABLU members, in good standing, always capably decide if a possible match has been found or if running away is the only option — because there is no hope.

Whatever happened to, “Hey baby, what’s your sign”? (sigh)

Boomer, ABLU Proud