I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. I too lost a best friend in July 2020, couldn't wrap my head around her very early death. Someone told me of the book, the medium next door, by Maureen Hancock. Which I bought and got so much comfort from. No, not trying to get you on a path that you have no interest in, I understand...but the interesting thing she writes is that, yes they pass, but they are still with us, just not in the same form. Almost like the change a caterpillar goes thru. And if you let yourself listen and be aware you might start feeling her presence still there, and find comfort.
I would be happy to send this book to you, or drop it off when I get down there in april. 😌
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