I realize this may not actually help, but I can sympathize with you and your friend. I lost my wife of 46 years over 3 years ago. I went through all the recommendations with minimal or no success starting with my primary care physician and some medication, a church group, and so on. I was able to talk to friends and not a stranger or a group. I learned I did not have to be ashamed to cry in front of people as they cried with me. I learned many people really do mean well, but are not able to truly understand and actually help - you must seek out who is compatible and understanding and avoid those ineffective. After 2 years I found new insight online and with online videos, but again avoiding those who did not seem to be right for me. Some were doctors, ministers, and motivational speakers. The key for me was to seek out and follow those who made sense to me. So much time, money and energy is spent on "grief consoling" instead of "wellness consoling", but your friend has to progress through a couple of stages of grief to understand this. Stay with her, listen, and never mention getting used to the "new normal" that is often spoken of. I found that term very negative. My wife passed from AML and dozens of times I heard "Cancer sucks" & indeed it does. We reach a turning point and it takes as long as it takes but can't be forced. This turning point has to be accepted and will be triggered by whatever or whomever is effective and is not the same for any of us. Prescription meds are a very short term solution. I learned the answer is not booze - believe me I looked in the bottom of many bottles and it isn't there.
Be a listener, a shoulder to cry on, guide her to wellness counseling where she can learn to see positive things and slowly return to a better mental awareness. Willy Nelson has a line in a song that really hit me. "Losing someone is not something we get over. Its something we get through." I feel hearing that one day was the trigger to help me. Yes I still have "bad days" but they are far fewer, and I also learned I still haven't run out of tears after 3+ years. Be there for her, and as I said, it takes as long as it takes.
|