The comments on this thread are further proof of how important this topic is. No offense to anyone but, the comments are flinging in all sorts of directions only semi-related to what the OP was asking about.
We know there are all kinds of ways to live when elderly - at home with hired care, at home with family or friend care, facilities that are independent living or assisted or nursing, etc. etc.
The OP is interested in figuring-out who would be the person, or people, dedicated to looking out for an aged person and would have the legal and healthcare POAs, which are very serious responsibilities. Even those with a spouse or adult children would be wise to select very carefully who those will be and, by all means, DO NOT give both POAs to the same person.
My Mother did the old-fashioned thing and gave the oldest son (he's also the oldest child) ALL of the legal permissions. That was a bad move for several reasons. Note: for those with tender sensibilites, buckle-up, because I'm going to drop some truth bombs.
-- He's not the brightest and has lived a very sheltered life so, he's naive (that's why the nursing home could get away with price gouging so severely as I stated in Comment #11. And, no, old people don't naturally sleep that much - they're sedating them!)
-- He is a very uncommunicative guy so, the other 3 of us have been left scratching and clawing to get info on our own about her situation. It's patently ridiculous and we also live several states away.
-- IMPORTANT: If family members are unhappy with how the person who has healthcare POA is handling matters and want to change who has that permission - who do they have to consult first to do that? Well, the person who has legal POA. Ooohh, it's the same person! See the problem? How likely will that individual be willing to do that? Not much, is the answer. (People like absolute control, that's why.) So, that means other family members have to hire a lawyer and potentially take that unreasonable individual to court. Not fun and very stressful.
Then, layer-in that the person with both POAs, if an offspring or spouse, is probably also a beneficiary and that can come into play regarding various decisions the POA might make...whether people want to believe that or not, it's reality. Ask estate attorneys, they have all kinds of crazed stories. You don't often hear these stories from friends b/c people are embarrassed at how badly their family handled some of these things. So, many remain in the dark about how tricky these things can be and don't have their own situations set-up very well or realistically.
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