Kathie is so good at secrets. I have no idea why Tony thinks I am an English major.
Oh, btw, I found yet another reason to move to TV and that reason has to do with the signs in Publix. The express lane signs in Publix say “10 Items or Fewer” and when I saw them, I thought. YES!!! Finally! The grocery store signs I have been dreaming of for years.
You see, (and Gracie will know this, too) the signs at Kroger in Cincinnati all say “10 Items or LESS” -- aaaaaaaughhhhhhh!!!! -- Well, actually, it might be 15 items in Cincinnati, but that’s not the point. The point is that if you can count the stuff, it needs to say “fewer.” And Publix has it right. I was so happy.
But just when I thought I had found the perfect place to live because of those beautiful, correctly worded, grocery store express lane signs, I suddenly noticed, one night while checking out at a Publix (having been on a quest for some butter pecan ice cream) that on a little stand, sitting on the checkout lane, underneath that exquisite “fewer” sign, there it was -- a small sign that looked like it had just been printed on paper, and stuck in that little frame, on that little stand, right there on the counter. And that evil sign said, “10 Items or Less.”
I must explain that even though those words actually printed on the sign said, “10 Items or Less,” that sign really had Tony written all over it. Ohhhhhh, I know a dastardly deed when I see one. Tony, that dastard, running around TV, putting those signs in my path. A dastardly, dastardly deed, indeed.
I just know that Tony put that freshly printed sign there. Just to try to drive English majors crazy. To try to run English majors out of town. I just know he had something to do with it. Why did that new sign suddenly appear???? It wasn’t there when I first hit town.
I know that Tony has a deep-seated fear of English majors, and I know all about that notion he has in his head that I am one. Ohhhh, I know stuff. I can pick up on things.
Like garlic to a vampire. Like a silver bullet to a werewolf. That’s what a sign with bad grammar is to an English major. Tony thinks he is so clever, sticking those signs in my Publix path. But HAH! I’m still here. So how could I possibly be an English major?
Boomer