Quote:
Originally Posted by asianthree
A medic alert bracelet will give responders info about paperwork. However You need to be aware, your spouse, or child, holding that DNR, can unfortunately withhold the document, because it’s just too hard for them to let go. Spouse can be on board, but when time comes, it just too hard.
Does it happen a lot, no idea, but have had it happen within family members. Their guilt just too much to let that spouse or parent go, no matter the wishes of that person. My parent was that person.
I have actually witnessed more than once, a DNR tattoo on chest. It’s not legal documentation, but staff will again ask family who has the paperwork. Each time the member who held the document broke down, asking please don’t let them die. I know they made a mistake signing the papers.
I have a DNR, 2 will ensure wishes are followed, and agree no call to the third who will not, until it’s too late.
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Such a situation can cause family stress enough so that the hard feelings may persist for a very long time.
My sister, who lives in Nevada, called about 18 months ago. She had found her husband on the floor, unresponsive: no apparent heartbeat or respirations. She began CPR while her daughter called 911. Bottom line was that the combined efforts of my sister and the ambulance personnel was enough to restore a heartbeat but he never did spontaneously breathe on his own, and was immediately admitted to ICU and put on a ventilator. After two days on the ventilator there was no brain activity and the doctors were asking her if and when they should pull the plug. It was a tough situation: there was no DNR/DNI or Advance Directive, so no way of knowing my brother-in-law's wishes other than what he had told my sister, and that was that if there was no hope of recovery, then he did not want to be kept alive artificially. The family was split between continuing life support and calling it quits. My sister wanted me present for emotional support, which I was glad to do.
She did decide to pull the plug which happened with the family present. The irony was that it was the last time the entire family was together on amicable terms. The split happened immediately thereafter and continues to this day: two children not speaking to my sister at all, two who supported her decision, and one more or less neutral. And after 18 months the situation does not seem to be getting any better. It has taken a real toll on my sister.
No better argument for making sure one's wishes for such an occurrence be committed to paper, in a format legally acceptable in the state where they live.