Years back, my mom passed away and my dad met and re-married a woman who subsquently had dementia. We lived a distance away as did 2 or my siblings. My oldest sibling lived in the same community as my dad and his wife. Over time, we were "distanced" from my dad and new wife. I'm not sure if he was embarrassed by her behaviors or what had happened. The "wife" was nasty (should have been a red flag). Oldest sibling was very meek so kept her distance. When we'd come to visit---my dad would tell us he'd meet us as a restaurant and he'd pay for our meal and we could chat (another flag). As time went on it was apparant that new wife had something going on. So friends of my dad and maybe relatives, stepped in and tricked the wife. She was evaluated and placed in a memory-care place. My dad was very embarrassed about it all. Come to find out she had been abusive to him. He'd get in his car and spend time in shopping/parking lots (maybe even slept there). They'd order take-out for food. Me and my siblings felt so badly for him once we found out these things. My dad quietly divorced the woman as advised by his attorney. He was told her care would bankrupt him. Now keep in mine---Dad married this person in his mid-70's.....the marriage was in the mid-1970's. This was happening all through his 80's (he lived to be 95). I think her placement happened, maybe in his early 90's. He moved into an assisted living and seemed the happiest he'd been in a very long time. IF intervention could have happened sooner...perhaps things would have been different for him (and her). She didn't have family and alienated many friends/acquaintances over the years. In her healthy years, she was a narcissist and opportunist. Had never married til Dad but had been a "kept" woman. Mind you---this was during the era when people actually looked down on this. Anyway---dementia is a mean disease. The OP is a kind person desiring to help!! Today there are many places to find it!!
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