Happened to me ten times in a month. On the tenth time I went over to the guy's house with Bruno, my body guard. We thumped on his door, his wife answered. We tied her up to a chair in the middle of the living room and called his cell phone. We told him we were holding his wife hostage. He said go ahead and shoot her, he was gonna divorce the old bag anyway. So we let her go, and she made us some sandwiches. Then we helped her change the locks on the door, and gathered all his stuff and put it in the driveway. We were enjoying our afternoon bourbon together, the three of us, when the guy came home.
He called the cops. The wife told them the guy assaulted her and showed her the rope-burns on her wrist, and said me and Bruno were good samaritans who heard the screaming while we were driving past her house to play golf that day. Records at the golf club proved that *I* had made the reservation. The guy was arrested and charged with assault and battery and elder abuse.
Bruno ended up falling in love with the wife, and they now live together. She still has me come over for sandwiches every month.
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