[ElDiabloJoe]

I only eat beet root and blueberries. No other food at all. I had stage 5 cancer and was in a coma. I was even dead once, but being fed intravenous oxidants via beet root and blueberries not only brought me back from the dead, revived me from coma, and completely eliminated all my cancers. My diet even reached out of my body and cured the cancer of the person in the hospital bed next to me.

Oh, and I only drink (and of course sell on the side) POM pomegranate juice. The vitamins, minerals, special age-defying and even life-restoring natural chemicals and anti-oxidants combined with the other insert-buzzword-homeopathic-organic-made-up-ingredients-here have taken years off my age, removed all my age spots, straightened out my spine, removed all my wrinkles, regrew my hair, and reduced all my belly flat, and returned me to my teen-aged years.

All medically approved by doctors, of course. I can provide their names and credentials. Some medical school in Roatan or the Ivory Coast, I forget where exactly.