I don't think the detergent in a car wash will damage your paint. I think that road grime including bugs, tree sap and tar if left on there will eventually etch the finish.
The danger of car washes to me is more mechanical. Side mirrors, windshield wipers, rood racks and tires are all potentially at risk depending on the set up. I like the no touch laser controlled ones. They do a bad job removing dirt, but they don't hit anything nor pull my car on a track. I also just like to let the dealership wash it when they service the car. Most do that for free (as part of their expensive service)
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