[Boomer]

If you have been around here forever like I have, you might somewhat remotely, vaguely remember that other time when the subject of rats came up.

Well, that time, way back when, I went on and on about my favorite Florida writer Carl Hiaasen and his encounter with rats. And, of course, when I was writing about Carl and the rats, I digressed from the subject of rats and Carl and went on and on, shamelessly confessing about how Carl Hiaasen is my secret love, and then I went on a bit about other secret loves throughout the years.

And when I saw the topic of rats come up today, I remembered about Carl and the rats and I thought oh, whattheheck, play it again, Boomer. These people need to know about this if they don't already. (about the rats, not about my secret loves, but that's in there anyway.....I used to digress a lot.)

Here goes............

I almost did not click on this one because it is a particularly hideous subject. But now I have gone and done it, so here I am, creeped out with a really bad case of the willies. And I am reminded of something that I might as well tell you about.

I once wrote here on TOTV about Carl Hiaasen's book The Downhill Lie: A Hacker's Return to a Ruinous Sport. The book is about golf, mostly.

Of course, while I was writing about the book, I felt the need to digress and so I confessed to all of you that Carl Hiaasen is one of those men with whom I am hopelessly in love. Just because he can sure turn a phrase. Ah, phrase-turning, the ultimate aphrodisiac.

I don't know why I am always confessing these shameless loves of mine to all of you. But I just do. I have told you all about Charles Kuralt and me, and also about Judd Hirsch. But I only love Judd when he is being Alex on Taxi. But I am digressing again so it seems. Anyway, back to the rats....

In the book, my man Carl has included a chapter titled "Rodent Golf." It seems that a rat chewed the wiring in his Chevy Suburban. He said that his insurance company paid for the damage. He learned that rats in Florida consider automobile wiring to be delicious and that insurance claims are common.

As it turned out, later Carl found the rat's nest and he did battle with that devil rat and won. He used something called "The Momentus, basically a foreshortened 6-iron that's weighted heavily to build muscle strength. . .and it tips the scale at a formidable 40 ounces -- a full half pound heavier than Barry Bond's baseball bat."

He went on to say that his swing was "more Lizzie Borden than Sam Snead."

Carl had bought this thing, The Momentus, from an infomercial on the Golf Channel. After he smashed the rat, who had wickedly fought back, he said that he thought about writing a "sunny blurb for future infomercials: Forty ounces of rat-smashing power! I highly recommend The Momentus Swing Trainer for anyone trying to groove their golf swing or battle a stubborn vermin infestation."

You know, Carl Hiaasen lives in Florida.

You might want to stay up late and see if you can catch the number on that Golf Channel infomercial tonight.

Sweet dreams,
Boomer