[Boomer]

I have reason to believe that Mr. Tony, Mr. Admin, Sir is setting yet another trap for me. I cannot understand why he insists that I am an English major. I do not know how he got such an idea.

The trap? -- Well, a few posts back, Mr. Tony, Mr. Admin, Sir used the wrong its/it's. Of course, I know he did that on purpose. Mr. Tony is trying to discombobulate me, to the point where I will not be able to stand it anymore and will point out his error. It's a trap and I know it. He thinks he will get to point at me with one finger, and twirl his mustache with another, and shout, "AHA! English major!" But I am not falling for it.

And besides, there is a lot more to English majors than meets the apostrophe. English majors have the unwelcome yoke of that grammarian stuff thrust upon them. (Around here sometimes, it looks like more of an unwelcome yolk.)

So anyway, now I am going to do something that maybe I should not do. I am going to repeat a story. But I guess if I admit upfront (Or is it up front?) that I know I am repeating the story, it will be OK to repeat the story. I just have to repeat the story because it so clearly illustrates the trials and tribulations of being thought to be an English major. And there might be somebody who does not understand the difficulties English majors must endure sometimes, and the story might help.

So if you have gotten this far, but you have read this little story of mine before, just close your eyes while you read it this time.......


I have written before about a friend of mine who is not only an English major, but an English teacher. (The most besmirched of all the English majors.) Anyway, in our younger days, when she was still single, she would sometimes go with her friends to one of those meet markets -- aka, a bar. (Or is it a. k. a.? Does it need that comma behind it?)

She was a clever English major because she knew exactly what to do when some guy started hitting on her by asking, "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"

If she thought he was cute, she would tell him her sign. (A lot of English majors are Libras I bet.) And she would wait for the next question which was usually, "What do you do?"

And at that point, she would say, "I work for the phone company." (I don't know why she picked the phone company, but she always said that.)

Of course, if she thought he was a jerk or a loser, she would just say, "I am an English teacher." She knew that would guarantee that he would flee or at least move down a couple of barstools.

Later on, with the ones she liked, she could get them so lured in with her way with words that by the time she got around to telling them that she was, indeed, an English teacher, they were so hopelessly smitten that they said they understood and forgave her immediately.

She eventually married a guy who came to fix her furnace. And fix it he did. And they lived happily ever after.

Boomer