You May Be a Grumpy Old Man, or Grumpy Old Woman if...

The last time you purchased a record, Neil Diamond was at the top of the charts.

You still own an 8-track player and cassettes (ABBA, Floyd Kramer, and Roger Whittaker feature prominently).

You have 78rpm records which you occasionally play on your massive oak hi-fi.

There’s a 1970s vintage Hammond electric organ somewhere in your house.

Most of your reading material resides in the bathroom, where you spend a goodly portion of your day.



There’s nothing you want for Christmas. When pressed you ask for a sweater. Which you then put in a drawer, never to see the light of day again.

You flip constantly between CNN (or some other news channel), TSN, and the Weather Network, but never actually watch any shows all the way through.

You frequently find yourself shouting at the television when the aforementioned programmes are on.

You read at least two newspapers a day, and can’t rest until you’ve finished them.

Whenever you go to the movies, you end up muttering (loudly), “This is a load of CRAP! That would never happen!” within 15 minutes of the film starting.

You start wearing your winter coat the instant the temperature outside hits 15C/60F, and tut at the youngsters still walking around in shorts and t-shirts.

You own a pair of comfy beige shoes or sandals. Which you wear with white tube socks.

You own an original Walkman from the 1980s and refuse to buy new music because you can’t get cassettes. So you listen to The Carpenters and your Sound of Music soundtrack, over and over.

You insist on paying for purchases with exact change.

You own a Laz-E-Boy recliner that’s seen better days.

You have animated, absorbing conversations with your friends that focus solely on digestive issues.

You have a cell phone, an answering machine, and a DVD player. But none of them are hooked up.

You firmly believe that the youth of today are significantly dumber than in your day.

You’ve never Tweeted, and never intend to. Because you’re not sure what it is.

You’re not shy about asking for Senior Discounts, even if you’re well shy of actually qualifying.

You laugh more now, than when you were young.

You’d much rather have a nice cup of tea (or coffee) and a slice of cake than a glass of wine.

When you meet someone new who’s your age, you check them out to see how badly they’re aging compared to you.

The volume level on your television makes everyone under 30 wince in pain.

You read the obituaries to see if there’s anyone you know, and read the obits of anyone who’s younger than you with keen interest.

You use email primarily to exchange politically incorrect jokes with a network of likeminded Grumpy Old Men/Women.

You have a better time when you go out now, than when you were younger, because you no longer care what anyone thinks of you.