[missypie]

Originally Posted by Talk Host

Think about being on board a cruise ship. 90% of what you see and hear on the "on-board" entertainment system is designed to keep you in the vacation mood. There have even been reports that when a serious fire occurs on a ship, the passengers don't know about it til somebody at home sees it in CNN.

Can you imagine:

"bong, bong bong, bong......GOOOOOOOD morning, this is your cruise director. You'll notice several Coast Guard helicopters circling over head. The passenger in cabin 2011 was thrown overboard last night by his drunken wife.

We'll be arriving at CoCo cay this morning for a fun filled day on a paradise Island, where last week one of our passengers had a very serious laceration to his foot from a broken beer bottle.

The captain reports that we'll be sailing into a squall line tomorrow with winds in excess of 80 miles per hour, so please say in your cabins and lash your children to a bed post.

As you all know, viruses spread like wildfire on a cruise ship and we've had a serious outbreak of diarrhea on board, so please wear latex gloves the remainder of the cruise.

Tonight in the starlight lounge, we'll be featuring Mondugo Fernandez, our engine room supervisor who will be entertaining you by playing the saw. He's standing in for the Rockettes who were ordered off the ship when drugs were found in their cabin.

The crew regrets that there well be no breakfast today because of the salmonella outbreak in fresh eggs.

That's it for now, have a greeeaaaaat day on board the Retirement Dream."

JLK

Oh that is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. I could add a couple more, but you hit the nail on the head!