[redwitch]

Once upon a time I was married to a pretty nice man. He was my friend as well as my husband. I once came up behind him as he was telling a friend of this that he needed to check with "the wife." His buddy started cracking up as I was glaring daggers into his back.

I was Dee, his spouse, his wife, his friend, his love or at least I thought I was. To say I was the wife depersonalized me. I was no longer someone special -- I was a thing. I honestly didn't speak to him for three days after that comment. So far as I know, I was never "the" anything again, not even after we were divorced.

Now, if your spouse is okay with you making a thing out of her rather than being the special person she is, then keep using "the wife." Just don't be surprised when another female or two glares at you.