What a retired husband does
evidence of why men should not be able to retire!
What a retired husband does
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her
on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most
men, I found shopping boring and preferred to
get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife
is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following
letter from the local Target.
Dear Mrs. Samuel,
Over the past six months, your
husband has caused quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have
been forced to ban both of you from the store..
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel,
are listed below and are documented by our video
surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's
restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned
station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union
grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a
bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department
to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ' Why can't
you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror
while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the
antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible'
theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by
using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK
ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal
position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not
least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then
yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed
out.
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