[redwitch]

Dear iPhone,

Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.

Sincerely,
Every iPhone User
~~
Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.

Sincerely,
Unicorns
~~
Dear Twilight fans,

Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.

Sincerely,
Logic
~~
Dear Icebergs,

Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a butch (still on that iPhone).

Sincerely,
The Titanic
~~
Dear America ,

You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.

Sincerely,
Canada
~~
Dear Yahoo,

I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just sayin...

Sincerely,
Google
~~
Dear 2010,

So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? **** happened?!

Sincerely,
1985
~~
Dear girls who have been dumped,

There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding!
They're all dead.

Sincerely,
BP
~~
Dear Saturn,

I liked it, so I put a ring on it.

Sincerely,
God
~~
Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,

Please lknvfdmv.xvn.

Sincerely,
Stevie Wonder
~~
Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,

Please make one for every skin color.

Sincerely,
Black people
~~
Dear Scissors,

I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.

Sincerely,
Sarah Palin
~~
Dear World of Warcraft,

Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.

Sincerely,
Parents Everywhere
~~
Dear Batman,

What was your power again?

Sincerely,
Superman
~~
Dear Customers,

Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.

Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies
~~
Dear Ugly People,

You're welcome.

Sincerely,
Alcohol
~~
Dear World,

Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because some Spanish dirtbags invaded our country and we got a little busy, ok?

Sincerely,
The Mayans
~~
Dear Trash,

At least you get picked up...

Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore
~~
Dear Man,

It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?

Sincerely,
Elephant