I've always liked this one (also attributed to Mr.Churchill)
Lady to gentleman at dinner table: "If I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee."
Gentleman to lady: "If I were your husband, ma'am, I'd drink it."
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. . .there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to enjoy themselves, and also that everyone should eat and drink, and find enjoyment in all his toil. . .
Ecclesiasites 3:12
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