[RayinPenn]

Early last week I was cruising the Web and I came accross the obituary of an old girlfriend's Mother. I was sorry to see it as she was always nice to me. I was shocked to read predecessed by her daughter 'Kathryn..' I thought to myself that can be right! A quick search and I found her obit, she died on Aug 2nd of 2009. We were together for a couple of years in and after college when she tossed me on my ear and said I "wasnt the kind of person she wanted to marry" and a few undeserved, unkind words. (My guess slamming one book close) It took me forever to get over it. Many a night I woke up in a cold sweat. Many years passed then a couple of years back I sent a note to her mother just to see how Kathy was doing. I asked her to keep my inquiry our secret (of course she didnt). The Moms note said married 3 kids lives on LI... It helped.
Ive a great wife, 2 great kids and have been truly blessed more than anyone deserves.. Even though I hadnt spoken to her in 30 years since I read that obit I am struggling with that old "familiar pain". Am I an old fool? I really couldnt talk to anyone about this.


I added this when I got the courage...
I'll post this because I have always been too embarrassed to speak or repeat it and maybe some prospective is appropriate. The first time I went to see her at college (a 100 mile drive) She had the label from another guys underwear on her bedpost. I would have left but if I did and was caught she would have been tossed out of the dorm..it was a 20 ft drop the window i was close to risking it and breaking my leg. she convinced me it was noting but I was a young guy/ fool in love. in other words a dam fool. In retrospect I should have jumped, if it quacks like a duck, looks like a duck..well you know. I or anyone else deserved better. as I sit here 30 years later I think how cruel some people can be, thankfully just not me. It is said a gentlemen will also keep a secret, but even superman can only carry so much. Of course there was more torture. I know too much info but keeping it bottled up was why I had nightmares for so many years...apologies

May god forgive her.