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Originally Posted by mikeod
Wow. That is a difficult situation. Assuming your mom is still capable of rational decision making, all you can do is present your rationale for her remaining in FL vs. going back north. Does she have friends/acquaintances here? Does she have friends back north? Does she have confidence/comfort with her health care practitioners here? Up north? Is she able to enjoy the outdoors here? Year round here vs. ? up north. Will she get more regular contact with family members here vs. up north? Will she get more time out of the facility here vs. there? Will the girls adjust their lifestyles to accommodate mom since they have not had her around for the last two years?
This is the time for mom to be more concerned about what is best for her and not for her kids. For some parents, it's difficult to think that way, but the kids will adapt. There is Skype, Facetime, etc. to enable "visits" without the travel.
Whatever the decision, it sounds like you have done your best for your mom.
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There are a lot of good questions here. Assuming she is able, your mother is the person who should answer those questions, not you or her other children. IMHO your stress is probably like most people's in this kind of situation - it's really guilt. Guilt that you can't take care of her comfortably and SAFELY etc. etc. These are powerful emotions and can easily blind us to making the BEST decisions. Talk to your mother gently. Help her through all the questions, then ACCEPT her decision. If she can't do it alone, have a family conference and hash out a short or longer term decision, and accept that too. Don't be upset by all of this. You already know your mother needs assistance that goes beyond what you can provide. Think of her as being safe and comfortable somewhere, no matter where that might be. God bless!!!