Quote:
Originally Posted by jane032657
Every young person is different, and many young people have needs that transcend flying the coop, leaving their family, funding an apartment, going off and living somewhere else with others or on their own, going to traditional university. There are so many comments in this thread that assume that every child is alike and also some very discouraging remarks. The person writing asked about other young people in The Villages and area. She did not ask opinions on where and how her son should be educated, when he should leave home, what type of job he should be ready to take on, when he should be prepared to be away from his parents. You have no idea the journey this young man has been on and I think he is lucky and his parents are lucky that whatever road that is, he is able to be well enough, strong enough, and secure enough to be with family while he plans his next life stage. Not everyone has children that follow a traditional path, and having fostered 55 children all with different needs, and seeing some not survive their journey, I believe it is a blessing to have a child alive, searching, and developing their way, even if it means being with parents at different stages, than left out somewhere drifting with no support, guidance or love. I commend these parents for loving their son and allowing him to be with them while they go to their next stage in life, and making room for their son to thrive at this place, at this time, with his needs today.
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Jane, you are correct in that they can all be different.
That said, I am familiar with fostering and adoption.
For years we thought we'd never have a grandchild until a very special six year old came into our lives, first as a foster child and then as an adopted child a few days after 911 occurred. Sure enough, she was followed by two babies, a brother and a sister, who loved and looked up to her all these years.
Likewise, she was nurturing to them. Our daughter and her husband did a wonderful job of parenting, but those first five years were totally "lost"; I'm sure you know what I mean.
We are very close and this now 18 year old cannot wait to spread her wings and fly the coop.......she and 7 other girlfriends are working hard to be able to afford their first apartment. Actually, they want to rent a house, which is available, in a college town........but as we showed her, they need the first month security deposit plus first and last month's rent, etc..........school didn't come easy for her (as it did for the next babies) so she will be attending a community college and is , and has been, working a full time job...........but she still wants her own place.
I think it's natural and normal for the young folks to leave the nest.
My husband and I dated for three years from 17 until we got engaged at 19, married at 20.......so 20 is NOT too young to leave the nest.
We paid for our own wedding, paid for our own honeymoon, paid for our own first three rooms of brand new furniture........plus the three months "rent" on a garden apartment, brand new, in New Jersey.....plus bought a brand new car......all at age 19, turning 20. Wages were NOT high in those days either. Three years later we began our family. We bought our first home....at age 22. It can be done.
Our folks were great.......but neither of us , honestly, would have wanted to live with our parents..........it was during the Viet Nam era and I had just given birth to our first born.........and my husband's tank unit was supposed to get called up..........we discussed whether to go home to my mom or his mom or stay in the new little house we had just bought.
I was 22, he was 23.........we stayed put and luckily, he was only called to Fort Knox, Kentucky........but not for long.
If there are no health issues, I think kids should learn how to pay rent and buy groceries and do laundry.........I come to this conclusion at an older age.
Originally, I thought they would graduate college........move back to their childhood bedrooms (ha ha) buy the "suit" and go out on job interviews..........forgetting that in our little town there are not many jobs for college grads.............
Getting back to soldiers and such.......think of the young 17 and 18 year olds who go into the service and leave the nest to be thrown into battle in a war zone.......many of these brave men and women are much younger than 20.