Originally Posted by senior citizen
Is it a "long distance move" back to the homefront? Or a short move?
The two children who are the most vocal about wanting us close to them are 800 miles from here, one to the west and one to the north. Our children live all over the US.
Is your husband capable of such an exhausting move? Can he travel?
I'm assuming he is the one you are caring for in your home.
It is my husband. If we were to do this, I would simple pack clothes and equipment and leave the rest, coming back later with one of my children to spruce up to rent. (we have downsized several times already and our home is amazingly organized)
Being a 24/7 caregiver does take its toll, mentally and physically.
I cared for my mom with Alzheimers for six years in our home here and we even moved her with us to Florida and back to Vermont again, when she was still in the early stages........closing up her home , etc. and ours, only to return north to "our support system".
To me, you sound to be at the stage where perhaps your loved one might be ready to go into some type of skilled nursing facility????? We slowly inched my mom into a type of assisted living place (where she would go for short intervals if we were on vacation) so when her time was right, she knew everyone in the community care type home.
It is not Alzheimers as his mind is perfectly clear. It is a progressive neurological disease. His body is becoming weaker and weaker.
She ended up sitting on the couches with her old Senior Citizen friends, the ones she'd go on trips with when all their husbands were alive. At the very end only, she was placed in a skilled nursing facility in the Alzheimers wing.
They were wonderful. I could never have "done" that stage of the disease..........although I did feed, bathe, dress, etc. her for the six years........I could write a book about the six years she lived with us.
Now, some of the antics might seem comical, but to me , at the time they were not.
Luckily I've always had a lot of patience.....plus had help via adult daycare in our town , which would come in the mornings and pick up all the eldery via van and then return them home at 3 p.m.
It was like sending your little ones off to school. Not weekends, just days.
Finally, assisted living was the next step.......when I could no longer get her in and out of the tub and she was deathly afraid of the shower.
While in the assisted living, we met a lot of wonderful senior citizens.
One lady would always tell me that she "wished she was still in Florida".
Her family moved her up to Vermont so they wouldn't have to keep flying down to her retirement area. She missed all the music, the dancing, the activities...........and just kind of lounged around in bed all day. She was perfectly mobile, but seemed depressed.........she was taken out of her chosen retirement place in Florida and moved to Vermont where they could only sit out on the front porch during three seasons of the year.
We met others who wished they were back in their own homes.
Their kids didn't visit much anymore, etc. Everyone gets busy with their own lives and schedules.
If your children are supportive and will pitch in to help you with your loved one.......and you really feel you could live with them, or nearby, then that would be your choice........but if you do have a circle of friends who give support here, then stay where you are. How old are you?
I am 70. The child to the west wants us to come live with them. No, no, no. I would never burden any of our children like that. Indeed they do have their own lives. We are blessed that they want us, but no, never. The child to the north wants us to buy a house together with a mother-in-law suite. Again, no, no. In either case, we would live near by either buying a small house or moving into a continuing care community, or something, I don't really know at this point.
It's sad, but even the most loving family of children HAVE CHILDREN OF THEIR OWN and careers, community activities, etc.....and not all the time in the world to actually do a lot for the older generation. If you have the type of support in TV that you find helpful, then stay put.
We have the physical support, but are very much in need of emotional support. As you can see, I have been up most of the night on TOTV.
If your loved one is bedridden, then maybe it would not matter where he was located. However, if he is mobile to some degree or you are able to get him outside in a wheelchair or scooter.......then Florida's flatness would be much easier than city streets or rural country roads. I know.
Bedridden 50-50 and we do have a new Hoverround, but we are limited to our street at this point as I have not figured out the Hoverlift part for the car. It is so expensive.
My mom walked very quickly and was good that way up to her late 80s but then as she approached 90 she fell......at the assisted living.....once she entered the skilled nursing facility at age 90, they immediately put her into adult diapers and a WHEELCHAIR. That was exactly what the owner of the assisted living place told me "would happen". Maybe it was the downward slope of end stage alzheimers.........but she soon lost her ability to speak or communicate............long story.
Moving her back north to "our support system" helped ME to care for her for the six years, visit her for the next three.......when she needed more help than I could give............it's a progression. How old is your loved one????
He is 75. We want him at home. His mind is just fine.
I wish I could have kept mine forever.......it was definitely a life lesson in growing old.
MOVING LONG DISTANCE IS NOT EASY ON THE ELDERLY OR THE AILING. GOD BLESS.
p.s. Now, my mom who had been a feisty woman her entire life became very very very docile with her early stage alzheimers and dementia.
Some become beliggerant......not mine. She was thankful for every little thing and easy to have around, except for the SUNDOWNERS SYNDROME which showed up at night when they roam around the house doing strange things they do not recall in the morning..........
This was my mother.....so female taking care of female.
Not sure if I could do the same for a beliggerant older man.
He is the kindest, most loving person ever - not one nasty bone in his body.I could never put him in a facility of any kind, but something is going to have to change as I am exhausted.
We saw plenty of them in the skilled nursing wing.......trying to escape.
It would take three nurses just to dress them. So sad. These were people from all walks of life.
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