[2BNTV]

Originally Posted by jane032657

My parents moved from Boston to Tamarac, Florida after my dad had one of the first ever triple by passes and could not stand the Boston cold anymore. They lived in their home in Tamarac for 30 yrs. but then my mom became exhausted from looking after my dad on her own with no family. My husband and I had them come live with us, where they stayed for 1 1/2 yrs in Seattle where we lived and then moved into a retirement home near our house. To make a long experience short, my dad passed away a year ago and we have just moved my mom back to Florida to Sumter Place Assisted Living and we will arrive tomorrow to live in our new home in The Villages which we bought a year ago. My parents always wished they had stayed in the warmth of Florida but appreciated being cared for and having us close tby to deal with multiple issues. My mom has now returned to her beloved Florida and is loving it. But the point is, family can support you while you need it. You can come bak to your home in The Villages when the time is right. But let your children give back to you when you need it. And then go home again when you can be able to enjoy it without worry. And if you choose to stay with or near your children, then sell your place in The Villages. Unburden yourself and let the kids help out. It is a mitzvah which means they get to do something of great value and meaning from the heart.

Posted by mommieswamie:

The two children who are the most vocal about wanting us close to them are 800 miles from here, one to the west and one to the north. Our children live all over the US.
I would simple pack clothes and equipment and leave the rest, coming back later with one of my children to spruce up to rent. (we have downsized several times already and our home is amazingly organized)
I am 70. The child to the west wants us to come live with them. No, no, no. I would never burden any of our children like that. Indeed they do have their own lives. We are blessed that they want us, but no, never. The child to the north wants us to buy a house together with a mother-in-law suite. Again, no, no. In either case, we would live near by either buying a small house or moving into a continuing care community, or something, I don't really know at this point.
He is 75. We want him at home. His mind is just fine.
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It sounds like your thinking along the lines of what Jane said. You will know when the time is right and what to do when you are beyond exhaustion and your body says "I can't do this anymore".

My cousin was a caregiver for both her parents and she is 70. About a year ago, she said "I can't do this anymore", and had to put them both in a nursing home. She is not a well person herself. You sound as if your trying to maintain your independence which is fine as long as you have the strength. It's more of your decision as you are the caregiver. Have you discuss this dilemna with your husband?

My mother used to say there was a saying in Italian, "In like a baby, out like a baby"

I wish you strength and courage to do the right thing. Don't ever give up on your dreams.