Okay. So... the deal here was that this person was added to the group as a substitute. It seems to me that it's up to him to ask permission to light up, and not to the OP's wife to tell him not to. He's the add-on. Obviously he wouldn't know if smoke would be bothersome to anyone in the group, and it's just plain arrogant, given today's public knowledge about the dangers of second-hand smoke, to light up around a group of people you don't know. Go smoke with your own smoking buddies.
In fact, in today's world it should never be the person with the allergies or dislike of second-hand smoke who bears the responsibility to ask a person to stop smoking around him or her. Anyone ignorant enough to light up around a group of people he doesn't know is either oblivious or arrogant.
The standard today is that the majority of the population doesn't smoke. The minority should not light up around them. I'm astounded at what this guy did.
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