[Bill Tasker]

Originally Posted by senior citizen

So many many families do harbor secrets and it is a shock, to say the very least, when one finds out the truth..........you'll always wonder what it might have been like to form a bond with your biological dad, but just remember that was the generation that did keep secrets and didn't let "it all hang out" like the younger folks do today........he was a product of his environment at the time, just as your mom was........

If it is any comfort , all families have secrets. I've found this out while doing the genealogy research. The funny thing is that one segment of a family may well know about it........while another part of the family unit never did know about it..........these are families that lived in the same town. Many of the oldtimers just DID NOT TALK ABOUT PRIVATE MATTERS. They kept mum.

You can look at it this way.....he gave you life and you are here today.

I found out at age 19, one month before I turned 20 and was about to be married.......that my older brother was my "half brother"; his dad had deserted my mom during the Great Depression, saying that he was going to Florida to find work. He never returned. I've tried to locate his whereabouts, however, his name was such a common name, first and last, that there were a zillions with his name.........all born in Massachusetts and all died in Florida.........so like looking for a needle in a haystack.
The man is long deceased.

My older brother was surprised that my mom had never told us....meaning myself and my younger brother. My half brother and I were 11 years age difference. He was out of the house and in the Army in Korea when I was still a kid.......
My dad never mentioned it either..........and treated my elder brother like his own.

I could write a book on all the family dynamics in my husband's family.
You find out a lot when you start interviewing the various family groups.

Just realize you are not alone...........people just didn't speak of such things back then........I don't think your mom was in denial. She knew what happened.....just like my mom did. However, she didn't want to open up a can of worms.....I'm guessing.

How did I find out you might wonder? My sister in law to be, was writing out invitations to my shower and called my mom to ask for my brother's wife's name and address............she called my sister in law, "Mrs. G" using my maiden name/surname........assuming that was my brother's last name. My mom had to tell her....that it was "Mrs. R"........his surname was a common man's last name..........so it never dawned on me as a kid.
His first name and last name to me sounded like one full guy's name.

P.S. I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING ELSE...........while my sister in law was phoning my mom, my fiancé and I were at my brother's home looking at his photo albums from Korea and had seen his NAME on his uniform...........my Polock husband says, "Did you have a hard time legally changing your name from G to R?" My bro said, "that is my legal name"....it isn't "G".......all of this happened within 24 hours of each other..............so it was quite a whirlwind of feelings before the wedding. I was kind of in shock.

Two years ago a priest from my grandmother's eastern rite church (Greek Catholic) whom I'd been asking for any records of a marriage between my older brother's dad and my mom in 1933, etc.......and who at first was non committal, apparently had second thoughts and I received two years ago the "divorce papers, based on "desertion" from the New Jersey Hall of Records.......listing my older brother's father and my mother. Now, back in those days divorce was taboo and not as accepted as it is today. Especially when ten years later she was going to my dad, a Roman Catholic. This is why they all kept secrets................nowadays, it's all out in the open. When my husband had his jewelry store, people would come in with a slew of children and ask for a ring for their "fiancé"......they had the kids first and then got married.
So, today that is acceptable. Back in the 1930's and '40s it was scandalous........even if it was not my mom's fault that she was deserted during the Great Depression. The divorce papers did give the reason as desertion and she was granted a divorce. But up until then, I had all kinds of wondering.........even though she finally told me the truth after I had my first baby.

Thanks for your post. You are so right about the time in which they lived. I have come to terms with all of it. However, for my siblings it's a diferent story. They can't seem to let it go. They blame her, they resent me and it's caused a lot of friction between us all over the years. I know our mother had a rough life with our dad and if she found a moment of happiness with someone else, well God bless her. It happens.