Driving this morning on 441, I looked over to my right and there was a woman in a brand new Mustang doing 70 miles per hour with her face up close to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!
I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane still working on that makeup!
It scared me so much that I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten up the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone from my ear, which fell into the coffee between my legs, causing it to splash and burn Big Jim and the twins causing me to scream, which made me drop the cigarette out of my mouth, ruined my shirt and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL.
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“ Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. ” 
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