[REDCART]

My wife tells me that many of these jokes are "men's humor." OK, so here's one for the ladies....

Women Beware (funny)

Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidney was
stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While the kidney story was
an urban legend, this one is not. It's happening every day.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just
that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs.
The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who would have done such a
cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years? Whose thighs were these and
what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally,
hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in sweats and Sheer Energy
pantyhose. Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again.

My ass was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match
my new rear end to the thighs they stuck me with earlier. I couldn't believe that my
new ass was attached at least t hree inches lower than my original. Now, my rear
complemented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.

It was two years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was
fixing my hair and I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upper arms
swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary.
My body was being replaced one section at a time. How clever and how fiendish.

Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age is supposed to creep up, unnoticed, something
like maturity. NO, I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair,
I gave up my T-shirts.

What could they do to me next?

My poor neck suddenly disappeared faster than the Thanksgiving turkey it now resembled.
That's why I decided to tell my story. I can't take on the medical profession by myself.
Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee. That really i sn't plastic that those
surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts, don't you?

The next time you suspect someone has had a face "lifted", look again. Was it lifted from you?
I think I finally found my thighs, and I hope that Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!

This is not a hoax. This is happening to women in every town every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS!

P.S. I must say that last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and
they were gone! As I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in
my armpits as I slept.

Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.