I lost my husband of 36 years and my best friend forever last February. The best piece of advice I can give you is... LISTEN TO YOUR FRIEND! She will help you to know what she needs. Everyone's experience with death is different and everyone grieves differently. I can tell you that I tried a support group and it was a huge disaster for me. For me, it just seemed like a bunch of people trying to outdo each other on who had the saddest story. But, I have friends who love their support groups. It's probably a good idea for her to try one, but respect her decision. Just because she is grieving doesn't mean she can't make decisions for herself. The one thing that absolutely drove me crazy... and still does... is for people to say to me "it will get easier with time!" Don't say that to someone whose heart is breaking. After 10 months I can tell you it doesn't get easier, it gets harder. Somehow you do learn to contain your emotions better, but living without them does not get any easier. And, a big surprise for me has been that it isn't the big holidays/birthdays that are hard. People surround you on those days you get through them. It is the every day that is the hardest. It is eating every meal alone. It is waking up alone. It is watching TV alone. It is going places alone and feeling like a fish out of water. Invite her places. Do things with her. Help her through the mounds of paperwork and financial decisions she is going to have to make. Let her cry. People get so uncomfortable when people cry so you try not to cry around people. Which means you are home sobbing alone. Let her talk about him. It is amazing how people never talk about him after he is gone. All I want to do is talk about him. I want people to know him, but people think you will break if you talk about him. Grieve for him too. For some reason, I was drawn to people who were grieving and missing him too. And, most of all, just remember you are a good friend who can definitely help, but the fact is, you can't replace him. She is going to have to find a path that she can live on her own. She can do it. Help her to find out how incredibly strong she is. Best of all she lives in The Villages. If she is willing, there are so many nice people here that will help her through this. And... finally.... if you or she would like to private message me, I would love to talk with you. I moved here alone, I still feel so very alone and I would love to try to help someone else through this terrifying and almost impossible path. My love and prayers to her.
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