[REDCART]

Famous sayings


Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself "Lillian, you
should have remained a virgin." -- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy
Carter)

I had a rose named after me, and I was very flattered. But I was not
pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed,
but fine against a wall." -- Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that
statement. -- Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good
ending, and to have the two as close together as possible. -- George
Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea: Visit people only once a year. --
Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. --
Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if
you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- Groucho
Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she
stops to breathe. -- Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. -- Zsa Zsa
Gabor


Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. -- Alex Levine


My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop
dying. -- Rodney Dangerfield

Money can't buy you happiness .. but it does bring you a more
pleasant form of misery. -- Spike Milligan

I am opposed to millionaires. .. but it would be dangerous to offer
me the position. -- Mark Twain

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP. -- Joe Namath

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time
for my nap.
-- Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in
it. -- W.C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its
way through Congress. -- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. . as you grow older, it will
avoid you. -- Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... but everything else
starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. -- Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to
go anywhere. -- Billy Crystal

The cardiologist' s diet: If it tastes good, spit it out