My best friend, is the real life Felix Ungar.
His wife was washing a pot out and he said, "you call that clean". He then went to the sink and scrubbed the pot so hard, you could see through it.
You can have a meal on any of his floors and you won't get sick.
BTW - That makes me Oscar Madison by comparison.
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"It doesn't cost "nuttin", to be nice". 
MOM
I just want to do the right thing! Uncle Joe, (my hero).