[senior citizen]

Originally Posted by jane032657

I continue to write on this topic every time it is raised. I will keep saying the following:
1. Work with someone who can assess the needs -physical, emotional and financial, or your loved one. And work with someone who does not take money from the assisted living that gets chosen, as many companies have contracts and then when you choose one of the places they took you, they get paid a month of what you pay to live there as their fee. And they only take you to the ones where they have the contracts.
2. Talk to the other families who are visiting and find out what they have to say.
3. Find out how long the administrator has been there and ask residents and families if they are approachable, accountable, and available.
4. Ask to see the State surveys of the place you have chosen, they will provide you with invaluable information.
5. Find out about staff turnover-if there is high staff turnover, be concerned because they are probably not valued or paid enough to be able to stay there. If you cheap out on staff, you are at risk of losing them because someone else will offer them a better deal after you have trained them.
6. Ask about the food and have a few meals there. Ask residents how they like the food, how flexible meal times are, are there daily specials.
7. How much do they provide entertainment? People get bored. Many assisted livings do not provide much paid entertainment even though it is something residents love.
8. What level of care do they provide and when will they tell you your loved one has to move because they cannot meet their needs?
9. What is included in the base price in regard to care and housekeeping? How much do they charge for levels of care?
10. How often do they increase the rent?
11. How many hours of nursing staff time are there each day and how many days a week?
12. Remember do not think the place is great and worth what they charge because it is graced with elegance. It is the care and caring of the people, not the chandelier in the foyer that counts.
And not all people are best cared for at home. Sure it is great if it works out but there are issues with full time at home care, particularly when there is no family close by. Examples are staff who quit; constant change in staff; isolation of the elder; potential abuse-economic, physical or emotional, when a senior in need is at home alone with a caregiver 24/7; lack of socialization, entertainment, transportation and nursing. And for some people, at home care is a blessing and works great. There is not one answer for everyone.

Excellent post which obviously is coming from someone with indepth understanding of the subject at hand. Thank you for posting all of the very important information.

I did keep my mom with us for six years, living in our home.
I was her only caregiver in the early to latter mid stages of Alzheimers............81 to about 88 1/2. She passed at 91.

However, I did have a brief respite each day from 7 a.m./8 a.m. morning to 3 p.m. when she would be picked up & transported via van to our town's adult daycare center........returning also by van.
Mon. to Fri. It was a blessing, to be sure.

She was at the center one unusually, unseasonably HOT day on March 30 when the temps rose to 95 degrees.....the activity assistants decided to take the group to get ice cream........well, mom tripped over a parking log.....injuring her arm.

After that, it was kind of down hill as far as being able to bathe herself. I no longer could get her in & out of the tub........she was afraid of the shower...............long story short........we met with the assisted living people & they had a nice room for her.

She was happy there for about two years............however, had stopped eating, talking, etc............next/last step was the skilled nursing home Alzheimers wing for her last 16 months on earth.

As I stated earlier, she was now spoon fed, in diapers & in a wheelchair. Bathing was accomplished by a chair lift whereby the attendant would raise her up and over & down into a large whirlpool type of tub........at first she would cry out, but then she would totally relax & enjoy the warmth of the water. They only did this once a week, with daily sponge baths in the interim.

Her weight came back on , from the 85 lbs back to 125 lbs. as they spoon fed her...........the food was delicious & abundant.....amazingly so for frail elders who eat so little.

My husband was in awe of the quality of the food.......they even had holiday family meals to which all of the adult children/grandchildren would come...........after our own feast at home............just so they would not be alone.

All of the aides who worked there had to request working with the Alzheimer patients......then were trained inhouse. R.N.'s on staff.

My entire nine +++ years of caring for my mom was the long goodbye. She was in good company; her doc's mom was there (an old friend) from the senior center days, plus many other of her town friends. They were also together in the assisted living place.


It is stressful for the family.......even those, like us, who kept their loved ones, through thick & thin, through all the idiosyncrasies of this insidious disease.........AT HOME.........for as long as they could.

For six years. I helped her bathe, dressed her, fed her her favorite foods, entertained her, took her for walks, etc.........rides in the country.......she was part of our family..........but it gets worse.......that is when they need skilled nursing care.

We only had two choices in town; one which was part of our hospital........also nice but humongous in size.....& this small private one..........where angels of mercy cared for the elderly with great respect.............

The only thing I noticed is that near the end, one of the "memory" docs called me & requested that we put her on an "experimental new drug"..........she was now 91 years old..........I did my research on the drug he named....& then told him that I didn't think it was a good idea.........not too long after that, they called to tell me she was no longer able to swallow liquids or food............& that's when the comfort care/palliative care began...........her passing was very peaceful.

Her close friend had just taken the same journey. The internist & I sent each other long sympathy card messages remembering each other's mom........his would bake the very best Lithuanian Christmas cookies for the senior center which my mom would bring to us..........he & his wife would be visiting his mom at the community care assisted living house when we were visiting my mom...........ditto for the skilled nursing facility.

In this town, paths cross each other from cradle to grave.

In hindsight, I doubt if subjecting her to a harsh drug would have changed her health at that end stage..........she could no longer talk, walk, etc.; the drug could case liver damage, etc., etc.

Up until a month or so prior, she still knew who we were & could say her prayers, although in garbled speech.

Still remembered her own mother & father's Ukrainian names (long term memory lives on, while short term memory has been gone for quite some time).

She passed on my father's birthday, which was also her own mom's death date. I still miss her. Nothing like a mother's love.

In this very cruel world, cherish your own moms & dads while you still have them to cherish..........one last thing, caring for a loved one at home, does tend to age one fast.........the frivolous things fall by the wayside as one faces their own mortality in the face of the aging parent...........my heart goes out to all of you now wrestling with what to do with your own aging parents.......since so many of you are still young...........younger than we are, at age 70.

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