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Old 12-14-2007, 03:35 AM
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Muncle Muncle is offline
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Default Re: Chuckle Of The Day

The clip at this link is hilarious:

http://crackle.com/c/High_Wire/Mrs_h...s/2041059#vt=1

and then there's ~~

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' -- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.' -- Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have
since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
-- Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
and to have the two as close together as possible.
-- George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
-- Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You ma y die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get
a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops
to breathe.
-- Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
-- Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

Money can't buy you happiness But it does bring you a more pleasant form of
misery.
-- Spike Milligan

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
-- Joe Namath

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's ti me for my
nap.
-- Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
-- W.C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way
through Congress.
-- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. . As you grow older, it will avoid
you.
-- Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to
wear out, fall out, or spread out.
-- Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
anywhere.
-- Billy Crystal

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so
"profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying
it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) Or endothermic
(absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
using Boyle's Law: (Gas cools when it expands and heats when it is
Compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So
we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the
rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that
once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are
leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the
different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these
religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you
will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since
people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all
souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect
the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because
Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in
Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately
as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which
soul s enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will
increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the Increase of souls
in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
over. So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my freshman
year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and
take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then
number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has
already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell
has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is
therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby Proving the
existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept
shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
__________________
Kansas City, MO; Alamo & Albuquerque NM; Quad Cities; St Louis; DC ~ NOVA; Nuernberg; Heidelberg; DC ~ NOVA; Liberty Park ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends upon what you put into it.
~~~~~~
And it's Munc"L"e, not Munc"I"e