Dear Dogs & Cats:

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  #1  
Old 06-20-2011, 09:07 PM
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skyguy79 skyguy79 is offline
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Location: Formerly Refrigerated in Upstate NY, Now in village near Colony Plaza
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Default Dear Dogs & Cats:

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.
FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT IS STILL A TRUE STORY.

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, and then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't smoke or drink,
(7) don't want to wear your clothes,
(8) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(9) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children...

The Villages Florida
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ARE VILLAGERS OLD OR ARE THEY RECYCLED TEENAGERS
At my age rolling out of bed in the morning is easy.
Getting up off the floor is another story.
"SMILE... TOMORROW MAY BE EVEN WORSE!"
  #2  
Old 06-20-2011, 09:11 PM
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Schaumburger Schaumburger is offline
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Location: Schaumburg, IL - Chicago suburb - TV Wannabee
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skyguy79 View Post
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.
FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT IS STILL A TRUE STORY.

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, and then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't smoke or drink,
(7) don't want to wear your clothes,
(8) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(9) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children...

The Villages Florida
Just why does my cat race along side me when I enter the bathroom? I don't need a helper or an audience.
  #3  
Old 06-21-2011, 10:00 AM
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Pturner Pturner is offline
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Ha ha.

Bogey, my dog, loves to curl in a ball to sleep-- as snug up against me as possible. 2 Putt, my cat, usually sleeps stretched out with tail fully extended to take as much real estate as possible.

When 2 Putt doesn't want me to get ahead of him, he'll walk in a zig zag pattern in front of me so I can't get around him.

Both of them have figured out how to open the door when I'm in the bathroom.
  #4  
Old 06-21-2011, 07:16 PM
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seashorecaroline seashorecaroline is offline
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Location: Philadelphia PA, North Wildwood NJ, Village of Tamarind Grove - June 2011
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I can't remember the last time I was in the bathroom doing my business without my two 'girls' in there with me. What is the fascination???? LOL
  #5  
Old 06-21-2011, 09:37 PM
KARENNN KARENNN is offline
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When I first got my dog, he was very curious about the potty. Then I peed...he sniffed...snorted...I flushed and he ran out of the bathroom as fast as he could and hasn't been back since!
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