Domestic Abuse in The Villages

[bestmickey]

Of course it happens here too. Read the full article.
If ever there was a reason for a woman to have a gun, this is it!
Another reason to watch out for your neighbors. If the victim won't call the police, do it for her if you hear abuse happening next door.

http://www.dailycommercial.com/news/article_de272e1a-ecf6-57e0-89c1-e329904c850a.html

[jblum315]

These houses are mostly so soundproof I doubt you could hear abuse in your own garage.

[Parker]

This is an excellent subject for this site. How many women suffering abuse will stumble onto this post? How many friends and neighbors will pay attention to random bruises and hyper-meekness next to a hovering gruff assertiveness? Great post!

[senior citizen]

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[2BNTV]

It's a terrible thing to live in fear. No one should feel, they have the right to put their hands on another person, whether it is a man, and or woman.

I really don't understand one's need to do this of thing, but my is, guess it's the ultimate control factor. No one should have to live this way.

I feel sorry for the woman,who don't feel they have the strength to deal with this, and congrats to the woman, who do deal with it, in an active manner.

Shame on this seudo men, who feel this is the correct way to love another person. What a messed up life, they are leading.

[graciegirl]

This is an excellent subject for this site. How many women suffering abuse will stumble onto this post? How many friends and neighbors will pay attention to random bruises and hyper-meekness next to a hovering gruff assertiveness? Great post!



Once, a neighbor often had black eyes and bruises and for awhile I thought that was what it was. But she suffers from alcoholism and other pill dependency and would pass out cold and hurt herself.


Both are so awful. You don't know what to think or to do to help.


I admit I am skeptical about the figure of a round 3000 women from The Villages suffering from domestic abuse in the last five years. Do you suppose they meant 300 and it was a typo. I know someone who probably knows who was in social work and I hope she chimes in.

[Golfingnut]

Physical abuse is no less serious than rape. Just the thought of it sickens me.

[tucson]

It's a terrible thing to live in fear. No one should feel, they have the right to put their hands on another person, whether it is a man, and or woman.

I really don't understand one's need to do this of thing, but my is, guess it's the ultimate control factor. No one should have to live this way.

I feel sorry for the woman,who don't feel they have the strength to deal with this, and congrats to the woman, who do deal with it, in an active manner.

Shame on this seudo men, who feel this is the correct way to love another person. What a messed up life, they are leading.

Most of the time the abuse stems from alcohol and/or drug abuse by the offender. a lot of ppl have the incorrect idea that the cause of spousal and child abuse is because of a warped control issue. I disagree, it's mostly caused by the altering of moods in a person b/c of their addictive dependency of those drugs/alcohol which then causes outbursts of violent and physical /mental/verbal abuses in the families.

[graciegirl]

boy howdy.

[manaboutown]

Women "abuse" more than men do. Only it's not physical. And the men stay for fear of losing half of everything they've worked hard for. Women have more psychological problems than men do.

In many cases within the last several years of which I am aware men have lost substantially more than half of what they have worked for. Divorce courts these days tend to be on the misandristic side.

Back when I was a "youngster" working for the federal government in D.C. in the mid sixties a fellow I worked with tried one of the first computer dating services. This guy was thin and lightly built and not a "physical" male. Anyway, he met some women on the service and after a period of time he started showing up to work a little bruised here and there, then a black eye and finally a broken arm. His office mate turned the situation into the police because this fellow was too afraid of the woman to get out of it. She was arrested and he was finally free of her. It does go the other way as well.

According to a recent University of Florida study among college age folks, women abuse men more than the other way round. http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/a/male_abuse.htm

[Parker]

boy howdy.

Should have been in caps.

[marianne237]

The Haven, a place for abused MEN and women here in Sumter/Lake county area, does get people to stay there who do come from TV. If you belong to a club and look for a speaker, try and get someone from Haven to talk. Interesting/sad/informative.

[DianeM]

Abuse by anyone to anyone is wrong. One if the first things we learn as children is to 'keep your hands to yourself'. There is no good reason to ever hurt another person or living thing. There is also never a good reason to take abuse from someone either.

[Golfingnut]

If a woman marries a man at that moment she deserves half. If she bears a child by him, she should get everything unless it is proven 100% that she was 100% to blame for the breakup. If there is any doubt at all she should get everything.

[looneycat]

boy howdy.

there you go,abusing us again....couldn't have been GIRL howdy, huh?
:wave:

[Golfingnut]

I say 100% because a women gives up everything she has to take on the bourdon of a man! A man takes on a companion and caregiver and so much more. It is difficult for a women to start again, but it is no problem at all for a man. The baggage of a previous marriage is very heavy for a women, but a slight in conveinace for a man.

[looneycat]

I say 100% because a women gives up everything she has to take on the bourdon of a man! A man takes on a companion and caregiver and so much more. It is difficult for a women to start again, but it is no problem at all for a man. The baggage of a previous marriage is very heavy for a women, but a slight in conveinace for a man.

Burden of a man? Your wife must have really suffered, right? My wife gave up nothing, what she gained was a lover, partner and friend for life. She kept her individuality, her desire to make a good life for herself as well as me, she kept the right to enjoy her interests as well as ours, our life is 50/50...with her having contributed to our livelihood a well as I. Because of this I am confident that, should ANYTHING happen, she would be able to continue to make her way through life!

[jbdlfan]

Once, a neighbor often had black eyes and bruises and for awhile I thought that was what it was. But she suffers from alcoholism and other pill dependency and would pass out cold and hurt herself.


Both are so awful. You don't know what to think or to do to help.


I admit I am skeptical about the figure of a round 3000 women from The Villages suffering from domestic abuse in the last five years. Do you suppose they meant 300 and it was a typo. I know someone who probably knows who was in social work and I hope she chimes in.

Sadly, this statiistic is probably correct.
"The CDC said 23.6 percent of women and 11.5 percent of men reported being a victim of what it called "intimate partner violence" at some time in their lives."
With 100,000 people living here, that number of 3000 would actually be low. Such a sad statement....

[billethkid]

one needs to know more of the details that make up the reports content as to what constitutes a report or an incidence. A purposely distorted example to make a point....100 reports/incidences = 100 different indivuduals reporting once....or.....one individual reporting 100 times.

Clarification merely to help understand the real scope of such a serious problem.

[eweissenbach]

Back when I was a "youngster" working for the federal government in D.C. in the mid sixties a fellow I worked with tried one of the first computer dating services. This guy was thin and lightly built and not a "physical" male. Anyway, he met some women on the service and after a period of time he started showing up to work a little bruised here and there, then a black eye and finally a broken arm. His office mate turned the situation into the police because this fellow was too afraid of the woman to get out of it. She was arrested and he was finally free of her. It does go the other way as well.

Well your friend was dating someone from a very very small pool of people. In the mid sixties about the only people with access to a computer were a few military folk, a few academics, and a few IBM employees. There was no internet. Anyone who abuses a spouse, children, animals or anyone else is a waste of humanity.

[manaboutown]

Well your friend was dating someone from a very very small pool of people. In the mid sixties about the only people with access to a computer were a few military folk, a few academics, and a few IBM employees. There was no internet. Anyone who abuses a spouse, children, animals or anyone else is a waste of humanity.

It was one of the first computer dating services. The client filled out a questionnaire and mailed it in, the answers were entered on punch cards which were used on a programmed mainframe computer to match prospective dating partners. It might have been part of Operation Match, started by a few Harvard students in 1965. This occurred between 1967 and 1969. http://www.businessinsider.com/first-online-dating-site-2011-7

I was writing FORTRAN IV programs which ran on an IBM 7094 mainframe back in 1962. In 1965 we obtained an IBM 360 where I worked. Those were the days!

[eweissenbach]

It was one of the first computer dating services. The client filled out a questionnaire and mailed it in, the answers were entered on punch cards which were used on a programmed mainframe computer to match prospective dating partners. It might have been part of Operation Match, started by a few Harvard students in 1965. This occurred between 1967 and 1969. This Is What "Computer Dating" Looked Like In The 1960s - Business Insider (http://www.businessinsider.com/first-online-dating-site-2011-7)

Live and learn, thanks manabout! When I read that it made me smile to think of a couple of owley scientist types hooking up via the computer. :024:

[bestmickey]

The Haven, a place for abused MEN and women here in Sumter/Lake county area, does get people to stay there who do come from TV. If you belong to a club and look for a speaker, try and get someone from Haven to talk. Interesting/sad/informative.

EXCELLENT idea! The more the topic is openly discussed, the more chance a victim (of either gender) will seek help.

[bestmickey]

one needs to know more of the details that make up the reports content as to what constitutes a report or an incidence. A purposely distorted example to make a point....100 reports/incidences = 100 different indivuduals reporting once....or.....one individual reporting 100 times.

Clarification merely to help understand the real scope of such a serious problem.

Clarification is welcomed. However, one victim is too many.

[LuvtheVillages]

I worked for a domestic violence shelter up north before retirement. Yes, I believe that at least 3,000 village women are victims. This needs to be talked about more, so that victims know that they are not alone, and that help is available, and that they need not be ashamed.
My agency up north trained police officers, medical personnel, beauticians, and anyone who asked about how to recognize domestic abuse and how to respond. Victims were often referred to us by the police and by emergency room personnel. Even an occasional dentist would refer a women who had come in for repairs.
This problem exists in ALL economic strata. It's just that some are better at hiding it than others.
So how can we help? Does the Haven need monetary donations? Where do we send them? Do they use volunteers? Do they need donations of clothing? Do they need household goods for women who are trying to start over?

[graciegirl]

I worked for a domestic violence shelter up north before retirement. Yes, I believe that at least 3,000 village women are victims. This needs to be talked about more, so that victims know that they are not alone, and that help is available, and that they need not be ashamed.
My agency up north trained police officers, medical personnel, beauticians, and anyone who asked about how to recognize domestic abuse and how to respond. Victims were often referred to us by the police and by emergency room personnel. Even an occasional dentist would refer a women who had come in for repairs.
This problem exists in ALL economic strata. It's just that some are better at hiding it than others.
So how can we help? Does the Haven need monetary donations? Where do we send them? Do they use volunteers? Do they need donations of clothing? Do they need household goods for women who are trying to start over?



How would you tell us about the 3000 you say are abused here in TV?


How many would suffer verbal abuse?


How many would suffer physical abuse?


Many of us really do NOT understand and many of us have not had this happen in our lives. I personally have never known anyone who was harmed. We know of couples who are very mean in what they say to each other and not loving at all but it is equal.

[LuvtheVillages]

Post 18 above states that "The CDC said 23.6 percent of women and 11.5 percent of men reported being a victim of what it called "intimate partner violence" at some time in their lives."
With 100,000 people living here, that number of 3000 would actually be low. Such a sad statement...."

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence on its web site, NCADV.org, says:

"Battering is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person with whom an intimate relationship is or has been shared through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence. Battering happens when one person believes that they are entitled to control another.

Intimate partner violence in intrinsically connected to the societal oppression of women, children, people of color, people with disabilities, people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans, elders, Jewish people, and other marginalized groups. While oppression functions in similar ways regardless of which group is targeted, different target groups have unique experiences of oppression stemming from their specific historic, cultural and social experiences and realities. The work to end domestic violence must necessarily include the fight against all oppressions.

Domestic violence may include not only the intimate partner relationships of spousal, live-in partners and dating relationships, also familial, elder and child abuse may be present in a violent home. Abuse generally falls into one or more of the following categories: physical battering, sexual assault and emotional or psychological abuse, and generally escalates over a period of time. "

It also says:
"Older battered women are a nearly invisible, yet tragically sizable population and uniquely vulnerable to domestic violence. Older women are more likely to be bound by traditional and cultural ideology that prevents them from leaving an abusive spouse or from seeing themselves as a victim. Older women are very often financially dependent on their abusive spouse and do not have access to the financial resources they need to leave an abusive relationship."

Domestic abuse is all about power and control over another person. The most dangerous time for a battered woman is the time that decides to leave. Sometimes the man will feel that she belongs to him, and no one else can have her. I was in a county of about 100,000" population. Each year 2 - 4 women, and an occasional man, were murdered by their abuser. Our shelter had 32 beds, and was usually full.

I am going on too long. How fortunate that we have a domestic abuse shelter available to us. We should support it.

[senior citizen]

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[senior citizen]

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[bestmickey]

Adult children abusing their parents is another problem. I have a friend in TV whose neighbor is suspected of being in this situation. The neighbor has sons living with them. The sons have issues (i.e., alcoholic, drug arrests). It's not uncommon to overhear screaming sessions coming from the home. It's thought that the parents are fearful of the sons. (My friend is not friends with the neighbors, so there has been no discussion of the apparent problem.)

There have been many previous posts on TOTV about a number of apparently "troubled" adult children living with their parents in TV. It's understandable that a parent wants to help their "child". And, it's understandable that if a "child" is abusive,there is fear of taking action against the "child". But, if there was someone or some organization(s) that could provide direction and support to these parents, perhaps the parents would finally take action to get their "child" to move out ... or get legally removed ... from the home. If needed, an order of protection could likely be obtained to keep the "child' away ... if the parents need to go in that direction. Perhaps parents of this age have finally had their fill of parenting, but they just need guidance and assistance to help them take action. (I also want to acknowledge that I am aware that not all the adult children living with their parents are "troubled".)

I think the post by marianne237 (post #12) is an excellent suggestion, and I truly hope that some member(s) on TOTV would work with the clubs to bring in people to speak and provide information on the subject of abuse (for all genders). If I lived in TV, I would gladly work on this. However, I am merely one of the seasonal visitors to TV, and I do not belong to any clubs.

IMHO, to be most beneficial, one presentation representing multiple organizations and levels of knowledge should occur. Reps from the Haven of Lake and Sumter Counties (see linked article in OP), County Sheriff's office(s), State Attorney's Office, Social Services reps from the local hospital(s) are just a few who could provide worthwhile information to assist victims, and provide useful information to the friends of victims on how to approach the subject of abuse in conversations. It would be most helpful to have a number of handouts which address the topic. I'm sure there are publications that can be obtained free from the Federal and State governments, among others that could be distributed. If after giving one major presentation, there appears the need and desire for more presentations, such should be done.

If the light doesn't shine on the problem of abuse, victims and their friends won't know where to turn for help.

I'll now get off my horse on the subject. If desired, it's up to those living in TV to do something.