what is your biggest concern about being alone?

[chachacha]

i have been pondering the various concerns associated with the single lifestyle and wonder what my friends and fellow posters consider both the most worrisome and on the other hand the most pleasant aspects of living alone. from my observation, i think most of us are quite content with our lives. someone posted a general discussion asking if residents were living their dream and it caused me to realize that my life is much happier than i ever thought it would be when i was younger. so what say you? do you have fears or do you have gratitude or do you have both?
i guess for me a big fear is to become ill or incapacitated and have to go through it alone, but on the other hand i know my closest friends would do all they could to help me as i would for them. the biggest fear is not to have a partner in life on whom to lavish all the love i would like to give. ON THE OTHER HAND my biggest sigh of gratitude is that i can do what i want, eat what i want, watch what i want, when i want, stay in my pj's all day if i want, and i guess that is a bit selfish but so be it. :)

[Yung Dum]

i have been pondering the various concerns associated with the single lifestyle and wonder what my friends and fellow posters consider both the most worrisome and on the other hand the most pleasant aspects of living alone. from my observation, i think most of us are quite content with our lives. someone posted a general discussion asking if residents were living their dream and it caused me to realize that my life is much happier than i ever thought it would be when i was younger. so what say you? do you have fears or do you have gratitude or do you have both?
i guess for me a big fear is to become ill or incapacitated and have to go through it alone, but on the other hand i know my closest friends would do all they could to help me as i would for them. the biggest fear is not to have a partner in life on whom to lavish all the love i would like to give. ON THE OTHER HAND my biggest sigh of gratitude is that i can do what i want, eat what i want, watch what i want, when i want, stay in my pj's all day if i want, and i guess that is a bit selfish but so be it. :)

I have to agree on every point with you. It is frightening to have to deal with health issues without someone there right by your side. However, the freedom to do whatever you want to do all the time is priceless. I’ve been on both sides of this fence, and right now, I’m really enjoying the solo side.

[RETIREDSFW]

I agree with you on doing what you want, when you want and not having to answer to anyone. What I miss is someone to hug me which always let me know that there was another person in my life that cared where I was dead or alive. I did get some hugs last Saturday at my party which meant more than I could ever tell you. I think it is the human touch that means so much. I saw the following on the internet "Hugging therapy is definitely a powerful way of healing. Research shows that hugging (and also laughter) is extremely effective at healing sickness, disease, loneliness, depression, anxiety and stress." I want my hugs!

[kittygilchrist]

;)It's better to be alone than to wish you were....

[jblum315]

I guess my biggest worry is becoming incapacitated and having my daughter and son disrupting their lives thousands of miles away to "take care of Mom." I had to do that for my mother and, while I don't regret it, it is extremely difficult.

[senior citizen]

I guess my biggest worry is becoming incapacitated and having my daughter and son disrupting their lives thousands of miles away to "take care of Mom." I had to do that for my mother and, while I don't regret it, it is extremely difficult.


Yes , I'm not alone and not single, however, your post resonated with me as having been someone who walked in your shoes, caring for my elderly mom for six years in our home and then watching her take the long end journey of Alzheimers disease, first in assisted living for two years , followed by 18 months in a skilled nursing end stage Alzheimers nursing home.............

The long goodbye.........and having to travel that road alone, with no one by your side.........not wanting to disrupt our adult kids lives, and so on...........would be extremely difficult.

Like you, I DO NOT WANT MY CHILDREN to have to do for me...what I had to do for my mom. It's not easy, mentally, emotionally or physically.

I'm sure this is a universal thought.....as my own mother in law, who passed way too young at age 51, used to tell me the same thing........."I hope my children do not have to care for me as I did for my parents"..........first her father........and then her mother.

Ironically, they did.......especially her eldest daughter, my sister in law.......first her mom......and later her dad.

If I was alone I would miss the sharing of thoughts and plans.

People are polite, but really do not want to hear your innermost dreams such as a significant other is more than willing to do.

Especially after being together for 53 years.

But, in the end, we all end up alone. One way or another.

[Bay Kid]

I agree with you on doing what you want, when you want and not having to answer to anyone. What I miss is someone to hug me which always let me know that there was another person in my life that cared where I was dead or alive. I did get some hugs last Saturday at my party which meant more than I could ever tell you. I think it is the human touch that means so much. I saw the following on the internet "Hugging therapy is definitely a powerful way of healing. Research shows that hugging (and also laughter) is extremely effective at healing sickness, disease, loneliness, depression, anxiety and stress." I want my hugs!

I have lived alone for 18-19 years. I am kind of set in my ways. But I do need HUGS!

[Lauren Sweeny]

I think hugs should replace " air kisses" !
I ask if I can give a new friend a hug , just in case the person is not comfortable with it .
Some are a bit shocked but sincerely hug right back.
Touching an arm,hugging ,even briefly , I think is definitely a needed act of love!

[mixsonci]

I've been alone for a very long time and have gotten used to it. I like it even, not having to answer to anyone about what I do, say, go, wear etc. However, it does get lonely and I don't mean just male companion. It's nice to have some really close girlfriends, I don't have that either. I am in the Foreign Service with the State Department and live overseas. We move on to a new post every 2 or 3 years, so you don't really make lasting friends (just lasting acquaintances). I think my biggest worry when I finally live in TV (January) and will really be alone, is getting sick or worse and nobody knows or cares. I have family but they won't live close. This is not pleasant, buy my aunt died at home alone and nobody found her for 2 weeks. NOt a nice way to live your last days. Scary.

[2BNTV]

There is a big big difference between being "alone", and "lonely".

Being "alone", means, that you enjoy your own company and the solitude to do things, that are meaningful to you.

Being "lonely", mans you need to have others around you, to feel good about oneself.

A touch, hug can be healing, if one has true affection, for another peson. We all need human contact in our daily lives. Laughter is the best medicine.


People who need people.......

Barbra Streisand - People - YouTube (http://youtu.be/fPlQ6EtArSc)

[Love2cruise]

Mixsonci, Just keep In mind when you move to TV you will be making so many friends here. People look out for one another, and unless you are a recluse you won't end up like your aunt.

[DianeM]

Life is what it is. Deal with it.

[tippyclubb]

Life is what it is. Deal with it.

Oh that's a real caring and understanding response, and rude too. Why bother saying anything if you can't be nice.

[gerryann]

Oh that's a real caring and understanding response, and rude too. Why bother saying anything if you can't be nice.

Maybe Dianne just needs a hug?? :confused:

[TVMayor]

Maybe Dianne just needs a hug?? :confused:
And a nap.

[angel222]

It's taken me some time to realize that my fear of being taken to the hospital here without family around to be my advocates is really an empty fear....I have come to know I am very fortunate to have many people here in TV that would be with me until family could get here if it was necessary. There are many of us here without family nearby and I'm sure we will be there for each other. I've been a widow for ten years now and would love to meet a person who was really looking for someone to enjoy this beautiful place with but until then I am blessed with wonderful friends to laugh and share my life's journey. Human contact is so important as we go through life and in TV I think if you let someone know you need a hug, it will be there for you!

[DianeM]

I was not being nasty nor rude - just realistic. There are things you can control and things you just accept. Hence .... deal with what you are dealt.

As for hugs .... if I don't know you I don't want you to touch me. I hug those I love and care about not strangers.

[gerryann]

As for hugs .... if I don't know you I don't want you to touch me. I hug those I love and care about not strangers.

Well then that's a good thing if you don't need a hug. Someday your circumstance may change and you may feel the need for a hug....maybe even from a stranger. Evidently you have loved ones near by....some don't.

[DougB]

Group Hug

[redwitch]

I like my "aloneness." I love my friends but am rarely, if ever, lonely. I think I go could weeks without ever seeing another human and be just fine with that, but I do need my critters to pet and cuddle.

My biggest fear is that I won't be able to do for me. I don't want to be dependent on my daughter or friends. I'm used to being my advocate, as well as the advocate for some of my friends. I'm the problem solver and I really am afraid of the day that I can't solve my own problems.

[chachacha]

i remember once a priest telling the congregation to be sure to extend the sign of peace with a handshake especially to the elderly, as it might be the only human touch they receive all day! yes, lack of hugs would be difficult for most of us but hugs from friends can substitute for hugs from spouses when necessary. babies do not thrive unless they are held. sadly, due to fears of flu etc the sign of peace now is often just a nod but at least that is recognition from another human being that we exist :)

[misky]

i have been pondering the various concerns associated with the single lifestyle and wonder what my friends and fellow posters consider both the most worrisome and on the other hand the most pleasant aspects of living alone. from my observation, i think most of us are quite content with our lives. someone posted a general discussion asking if residents were living their dream and it caused me to realize that my life is much happier than i ever thought it would be when i was younger. so what say you? do you have fears or do you have gratitude or do you have both?
i guess for me a big fear is to become ill or incapacitated and have to go through it alone, but on the other hand i know my closest friends would do all they could to help me as i would for them. the biggest fear is not to have a partner in life on whom to lavish all the love i would like to give. ON THE OTHER HAND my biggest sigh of gratitude is that i can do what i want, eat what i want, watch what i want, when i want, stay in my pj's all day if i want, and i guess that is a bit selfish but so be it. :)

Cha,

I think most people, whether they admit it or not, would like a significant other. However, I've seen plenty of people who go from one marriage/relationship to another and never seem happy. Is that better than being alone? Not for me. With all of the people I know and with all of the things to do in TV, I never feel lonely. The significant other will come in the right time. Gotta go-time to do stuff!

[Pointer]

I think human touch is very important. I was always hugging my children's friends and especially as teenagers. They'd pretend they don't want it but just try to not give it and they are right there waiting. Grandma's were always good for a hug. Now that i"m a grandma I can give official grandma hugs to go along with the mother ones.

[In awe of TV]

;)It's better to be alone than to wish you were....

So darn true! I spent half my life wishing I was single.

I love being single, however, this week I've been having some health issues and was wondering how I would handle a drive to the ER if I had to.

Otherwise, why couldn't you do what you want to do, eat what you want, and stay in your pj's all day, when there IS someone special in your life? That's exactly what I would want in a SO!

Maybe someday . . .

[Villageshooter]

Life is what it is. Deal with it.

why wuld u say that? sure we all deal with it , however it sure is nice to wake up to have someone u really love ,,, and that person also care and love you to share a life with, i am not saying it is always Rosie, all in all a person is blessed to have this in our lives , i respect the person who chooses the alternative of all this. however i would never, poke at a person for there decision!

[DianeM]

I'm not poking at anyone. Just being a realist. It is what it is.

When the time comes for illness to befall me - and yes, it comes to all - I hope I have the good graces to just go out with dignity. Why prolong what's meant to be.

[pivo]

I'm coming down next month I just bought, and I want as many
hugs and kisses I can get, it does make you feel young and great.

[mixsonci]

Mixsonci, Just keep In mind when you move to TV you will be making so many friends here. People look out for one another, and unless you are a recluse you won't end up like your aunt.

that's what I'm counting on and why I think TV will be great:laugh:

[mixsonci]

Oh that's a real caring and understanding response, and rude too. Why bother saying anything if you can't be nice.

Agree totally. How Rude.
I'm not complaining simply stating a fact in answer to the original question "what bothers you most", basically, I'm happy with my life and have no complaints, I get to travel the world (on the government's dime) but EVERYONE has concerns about something.
Be NICE people

[KathieI]

I moved here 6 years ago as a single woman after having been married for 30 years. I don't have any children so its just me. There are times when I have felt slightly lonely, not often because of all the great friends I have here. I don't have any family close by but I consider my friends, my family. I love being single and doing the things I like to do without answering to anyone. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and all those wonderful friends came to my rescue. They were all here for me and actually had a list of caregivers to look after me while in recovery. I could not have asked for more!!!

I love hugging friends when I meet up with them, its very important for me to show how much I value their friendship. As far as the future, it is only in God's hands, but if I were to have some major illness, I would hope that I have set up the proper plan for my care whether it be in Assisted Living or whatever.

To Mixsonci and others, you will be able to develop a large group of friends here, if you so desire, who will be there for you to take you to the ER, call you everyday to make sure your okay, and drive you to doctors appts when they need you to have a ride home. This is all with friends who I have met here in TV. I feel I am truly blessed with wonderful friends and so far, this is exactly why I moved here.

Now, let's move on to a happier subject, lol.

[senior citizen]

I moved here 6 years ago as a single woman after having been married for 30 years. I don't have any children so its just me. There are times when I have felt slightly lonely, not often because of all the great friends I have here. I don't have any family close by but I consider my friends, my family. I love being single and doing the things I like to do without answering to anyone. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and all those wonderful friends came to my rescue. They were all here for me and actually had a list of caregivers to look after me while in recovery. I could not have asked for more!!!

I love hugging friends when I meet up with them, its very important for me to show how much I value their friendship. As far as the future, it is only in God's hands, but if I were to have some major illness, I would hope that I have set up the proper plan for my care whether it be in Assisted Living or whatever.

To Mixsonci and others, you will be able to develop a large group of friends here, if you so desire, who will be there for you to take you to the ER, call you everyday to make sure your okay, and drive you to doctors appts when they need you to have a ride home. This is all with friends who I have met here in TV. I feel I am truly blessed with wonderful friends and so far, this is exactly why I moved here.

Now, let's move on to a happier subject, lol.






Amen. A truly very nice upbeat story and happy ending to your own personal journey.

Could it be you have so many wonderful friends because you are a "genuinely nice" lady?

I think so.......

May you live a hundred years.....Per cent'anni
For a hundred years

[Lauren Sweeny]

I was single until I was 42. Most of my friends were married or in a relationship during the years. I began to think there was no " Prince Charming" going to come to sweep me off my feet. I began to plan how I would and could live a full and happy life.
Loving oneself and getting out into the world helped me understand relationships and personal needs. I did a lot of volunteering and community work.
I can honestly say that having good close friends to count on , made the future more comfortable.
The fact that one can call these friends in time of need is reassuring. Closeness in terms of physical contact can be a minor issue,but if I needed a hug I asked these close friends to give me them. Think about what you do with your time and who your true friends are. If you need a friend here in the villages PM me and we will all meet up ! Everyone needs a good friend ( I had a dog during my single years... Lots of doggy kisses !) You are not alone !

[quirky3]

One of my main concerns is who will take care of my pets if anything happens to me short term or long term.

I did notice that Sumter County has a free daily check-in service that I plan to use when I move there. (352-689-4600)

As for physical contact, it is not the same as romance, but getting regular massages from a licensed, caring massage therapist is indeed good therapy!

[Pointer]

I think it's a lot easier to be single here then other places. After 34 years of marriage and the kids all "launched" and on their own, I found myself on my own. WHAT?!? I've recently found TV (Jan.) and love everything about it. Slowly finding my way and my self again. This site has been a good way for me to find out whats going on. Thank you all.

[RETIREDSFW]

i want my hug for today.

[gerryann]

i want my hug for today.

Here ya go! :)

{{{{ }}}}

[OldManTime]

"I have Fallen…and can't get up"

[RETIREDSFW]

:mademyday:Thanks Gerryann for my hug.

[asianthree]

my biggest fear is no one to blame on who left the dishes in the sink

[kittygilchrist]

my biggest fear is no one to blame on who left the dishes in the sink

yeah, I couldn't believe it after my divorce umpteen years ago....HE was not making all the messes. However, tripping over MY shoes was far less irritating than tripping over his.

re the topic, some of us don't like to ask for help. I'm trying to get over that.

[elbear]

There really are many ways to feel alone in a relationship or not. We all need both time alone and time with others, quality time and we also need people who will be there for us if needed.

Sounds like there would be enough interest for a club, perhaps named Not Alone.

[chachacha]

there actually was a club U R Not Alone for widows and widowers. but i started this thread to also celebrate the good things about being on one's own. did not mean it to be a downer! as Diane M said, it is what it is, so deal with it! that is very true. i think our attitude and what we do to make ourselves happy makes all the difference...for example, for years i was putting off travel waiting for that "special someone" with whom to take a dream trip! but last year i took my daughter and two granddaughters to italy and paris and it was just wonderful!! showing our loved ones the places we love is a great feeling. so now i no longer feel i lack a travel partner! my daughter cannot wait to go back to italy next year :) problem solved! :)

[mixsonci]

there actually was a club U R Not Alone for widows and widowers. but i started this thread to also celebrate the good things about being on one's own. did not mean it to be a downer! as Diane M said, it is what it is, so deal with it! that is very true. i think our attitude and what we do to make ourselves happy makes all the difference...for example, for years i was putting off travel waiting for that "special someone" with whom to take a dream trip! but last year i took my daughter and two granddaughters to italy and paris and it was just wonderful!! showing our loved ones the places we love is a great feeling. so now i no longer feel i lack a travel partner! my daughter cannot wait to go back to italy next year :) problem solved! :)

Sorry, but in light of this post, and the attitude of "it is what it is, so deal with it" I must ask, Why bother to ask the question in the first place of "What is your biggest concern about being alone" did you expect just happy answers? Maybe you should have asked "What makes you happiest about being alone" I can assure you my answer would have been much different. I love my alone time and I love my life, but that is not what you asked!

[manaboutown]

My biggest concern about been alone is the possible eventuality of facing a serious medical emergency such as a heart attack or stroke and being unable to function well enough to call 911 or otherwise seek help. Of course one could face such a situation while being married. Most of us have lost married friends whose spouses were not present or able to assist them during an event which caused their demise.

Other than that I feel what I miss most about not being in a relationship is the absence of regular physical and mental contact which bring about feelings of comfort and well being. Too, I miss having someone with whom to share my life. Having close friends and one or more pets as well as getting hugs really helps though.

Being single does have its advantages as the OP mentioned. I enjoy the freedom to do what I please without having to run it by a partner or obtain the partner's approval. In particular I have traveled extensively as a single and enjoyed doing so enormously.

As previously posted being alone does not equate to being lonely. The loneliest I ever felt was toward the end of a long and difficult marriage.

[Madelaine Amee]

My biggest concern about been alone is the possible eventuality of facing a serious medical emergency such as a heart attack or stroke and being unable function well enough to call 911 or otherwise seek help. Of course one could face such a situation while being married. Most of us have lost married friends whose spouses were not present or able to assist them during an event which caused their demise.

There is no guarantee with anything - I have two close friends who both had strokes in the night while in bed with their spouse and both are totally incapacitated because the spouse had no idea that the partner was in trouble and needed help.

[Bay Kid]

After 20 years of living alone I am pretty well set in my ways. Doomed to spend the last days alone.

[Lauren Sweeny]

I once made 2 columns on a pad of paper about having / not having a partner. (Alone /housemate)
Most of the gripes were minor,nothing that could not be worked out, or compromised as far as I was concerned . It came down to emotional issues,was I (or partner ) happy or complacent ? Did I ( we) feel enhanced by each other? Sounds selfish but if I wasn't t happy " We " probably would not last very long in a commitment.I think every one has a little checklist of what they want to have in a partner. The problem there is that everyone wants a "miss or mister "perfect!
Be realistic life is not a fantasy,romantic paperback novel!
Think that you are;
kind,thoughtful,good listener,considerate,secure emotionally and ( somewhat financially stable)

[RickinMinnesota]

Good evening from Minnesota. I am a couple of years from retiring, hoping to do a Village visit later this year. I am surprised to read that most seem resigned to being single / alone. Been divorced for a couple of years and have not given up that I will be lucky enough to have a wonderful woman come into my life again. Surprised to hear folks aren't out there with the same energy and dreams and hopes of finding the right person (again) like we did in our 20s.

[chachacha]

well, as i said in my original post, it seems to me that most of us are quite happy being single, so i would not use the word "resigned". that does not mean that most of us would not be delightfully surprised to fall in love again, just not holding our breath :) as for having the same energy for anything that we had in our 20's, well that is another subject :) look forward to welcoming you when you do your visit! let us know.

[ConeyIsBabe]

At the present time I live with "Jack" the rambunctious Rat Terrier and I truly like it that way.

My lifestyle, however, is lacking in social options and that's why I'm still the TV Wannabee, listed on MLS, and waiting for that special buyer to fall in love with my place.

Actually, my daughter is more concerned for my wellbeing living out in the country alone, than I am. I love the single life for all the reasons previously expressed. GREAT TOPIC !
:spoken:

[angel222]

I've always been curious why we have to "label" everyone....why can't we just be "people"! I came to TV not to be labeled "single"; "widow"; "senior" or anything else other than a "person".....yes, there are considerations we have to think about when we don't have a spouse but why dwell on it. There's so many positive people here in TV and great experiences ... why not just enjoy!!

[gerryann]

I've always been curious why we have to "label" everyone....why can't we just be "people"! I came to TV not to be labeled "single"; "widow"; "senior" or anything else other than a "person".....yes, there are considerations we have to think about when we don't have a spouse but why dwell on it. There's so many positive people here in TV and great experiences ... why not just enjoy!!

I don't believe people are "labeled". It's only a part of this conversation. I think it is valuable information to know if someone is alone (ie: single, widowed, etc) it's a huge concern for folks that are alone to know that their will be someone checking on them if they are incapacitated or worse.

[angel222]

I agree Gerryann.....please see my previous post on this question a while ago when Cha first put this subject up. I was just voicing my curosity. I have found that TV is a great place of caring people...and, yes, I am one of those people with no family here and a widow for 10 years....we are all blessed to live in a community like this IMHO.