LEAVING THE FAMILY

[bsliny]

We are snowbirds from Long Island I want to move to TV full time
My wife says we can't leave the grandkids and the rest of the family
Anybody else have this problem and what did you do about it :dontknow:

[nONIE]

BSLINY,

This topic has been brought up once before , mabe someone can help you out and tell you where to find it.

We are in the throws of making the same decision right now. It is difficult Iknow. Hubby does not want to leave the grandkids, I say let them visit us often and we can take them to Disney!

This might not be a good thing to bring up but in a few years the grandkids probably will not give a hoot about being with us too often so we have to be a ittle selfish in our thinking. I think we have to take the good years we have left and make them worthwhile for us. I admit, I would miss them terribly and I repeat this is a very difficult decision. Thanks for throwing this out there, Ill be interested in hearing others comments.

[handieman]

I can fully understand how your wife feels, however she needs to realize that the kids and grandkids have their whole lives ahead of them and that you two have worked your whole lives to enjoy the remaining healthy years. I have no doubt that living on Long Island is expensive and that your quality of life would actually improve in TV. That being said, remember now that in TV you might see more of them than you want ;D. Disney is not far, along with all the attractions for visiting family right here in TV. The taxes have to be much less than your suffering under in LI so sent the family plane tickets with the savings ;D
Hope it all works out for you
Handie :joke:

[beady]

BSLINY:

I can relate to your wifes concern. I wrestled with the decision for over 3 years, while hubby waited patiently.
I could not justifiy leaving my 2 grand boys ages now ,7 and 2. But as Nonie said, it is our time now and the kids will visit often, and soon they will have other things to do and lives to lead. I finally decided that I could fly home if I was in need of some time with the guys. We have set up a web cam and once a week I get to see and talk to the boys. I was home over Christmas, will have them in April when they visit for a week. Also, I plan to spend 6 weeks next summer in NH with them. So, we don't have the day to day contact but will see them often despite being 1500 miles away, and I am adjusting .Hope my circumstances will help.

[DickY]

Here is a past thread that developed on that subject.
https://www.talkofthevillages.com/smf/index.php/topic,1906.msg10031.html#msg10031

[jjdees]

When the grand kids get older, they become busy with their own activities and it gets to a point that if you want to see them, you go visit. Holidays are different and they'll come our way. In our case, it will mean driving a little longer to visit and then the draw of Disney will I'm sure bring them down often.

[JohnN]

our kids are in college and will scatter anyway as both are very independent.
Our plan is to home-base in florida and visit them, no grandkids to consider yet

good question

[SteveFromNY]

We wrestled with the same question, and that led us to the decision to be snowbirds. We haven't moved anywhere yet, but have a condo up north near the grandkids (2 1/2 yrs and 10 mo), and have a house in TV.
We would not have purchased in TV if I couldn't assure my wife that anytime we missed the little ones so terribly we could just go north and I am pleased with the idea that any time we get sick of the kids we can go south! ;)
I agree that in a few years the little ones will barely say "Hi Grandpa" as they bolt thru the house to play with their friends, but in the meantime they are very enjoyable! Once they've grown, I'd bet we'll become full timers in TV.

[SteveZ]

Eventually the kids (now, adults themselves) scatter to the winds. Mine literally span the globe right now. Grandchildren are no different.

My spouse and I decided the best thing we can offer is the knowledge that we are not dependent upon the kids, shall not be a burden to them, and demonstrate stability and security. They know where we always are, and that in itself is security.

What we like is the fact that family can visit TV and see a place where folks are still civil to each other (for the most part!), neighbors act neighborly, community action is not a political buzzword but a reality, and that God and Country are not alien terms. If they can see that folk still live like that, then we're providing them a gift of what life used to be for us when we were young and can still be today. Unfortunately, places like this are disappearing from the landscape.

Do my kids need me? Depends on how you define "need." The question is really whether parents need the kids rather than the other way around.

[Avista]

Our grandkids live in all different states. They all love to come and visit. They range in age from 20-2.

[beady]

SteveZ

You have brought up a terrific point regarding the quality of life in TV and what a great example it is for our younger family members.

[nONIE]

I dont believe it is a question of self gratification as much as it is the realization that children and grandchildren lead their own lives just as we did. We did not have grandparents involved in our childrens everyday lives but they did visit often and the children knew they had grandparents that loved them.

I would have never expected my parents to give up doing what they wanted in their senior years to accomadate us. After raising us they deserved their own lives to do and be exactly where they wanted to.

But as you said, everyone looks at this differently.

[Russ_Boston]

I guess the decision can be made quite simple when the children and eventual grandchildren live in all parts of the country. If that is your case then you might as well live where you want and visit or have them visit. If you're the type of family that you still live within 40 miles of each other than the decision can be more painful.

My three kids (no little ones yet :'() live in three distinct areas so the decision is an easy one.

[Villages Kahuna]

We just got back from our niece's wedding in New York. With a little advanced planning we had no problem getting back and forth for less than $400 for the two of us.

Our kids are in the Chicago and Detroit areas and we've been back and forth there as well, also for less than $400. We even flew north for a family Thanksgiving at our home in southwest Michigan, although that was closer to $500 than less than $400.

With the lower cost-of-living here, you can easily afford trips back north to see the grandkids for important events.

[scottke]

Very hard decision but we made it and bought a home in TV. We have 9 grandchildren, the furthest being 10 miles away. Pizza is every Friday night at our house for whomever comes. Thus a very difficult decision. We are very close. But I've been raising kids from the age of 20 and I've finally resolved maybe my husband and I should enjoy. My husband has promised I can come back whenever I need a "kids/grandkids fix" and one of our kids is making room for us to stay with them when we do. I sure hope that is the decision we will love. Life is too short not to enjoy the retirement years. I'm ready for some fun.

[bamafan]

The decision to move is relatively easy. We purchased our home in TV after 2 years of research and soul searching. Our son is single so there are no grand children yet. We are keeping our fingers crossed. We felt that moving to Florida and TV was the correct thing for us. We sold our home last may and purchased in TV. We have been living in an apartment for the last 7 months. We have moved part of our furniture to our home, and have been visiting for a week about every four weeks. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with new TV friends, and a great Christmas with old friends in our new home.

We are now one week from finishing our transition/permanent move to TV, and the butterflies have been mounting. Did we make the right decision? Yes But finishing the commitment is tough. Our son is now visiting us more than ever. I guess absence does make the heart grow fonder. I can now understand why I observed so many preowned homes that appeared to be half lived in, or were still new and vacant. The home was purchased, but the hard part was the final move. Yes we are leaving behind family and lifelong friends. We will make and already have made a lot of new friends. Will they be close? Time will tell. My wife is already making plane reservations for my son.

Next week we will load the truck and head south. I know when I turn the corner and see the golf course on 466A and the villages water tower in Duval that I am home. I get all giddy like a child who is on a new adventure. The villages is right. Just look at all the many many people who have come before us. The villages is filled with happy friendly people who enjoy life. We only get so much time and it is up to us how we spend it. No, it is not selfish to leave loved ones and friends, and want our own life. If it is meant to be it will happen. God does have a plan. It is easier than ever to stay in touch. We just have to reach out for old and new alike.

When we started this move I told my wife that we would give it a minimum of 2 years. It takes her 1 year to settle down and say this is home. As for me I already sleep better in my bed at TV. Like I said making the decision to buy is easy. the follow through gets a little tough. SEE YA ON FEB 2ND TV / DUVAL

[lm01]

Start early letting everyone know of your idea and plan for it to take place in a year. Ask yourself...... if you really want to make the move because you deserve it and you don't.....who really wins. At my age I began to think a little differently while still loving my family.

Sorry but just my view.

[Just Susan]

We did just what Im01 suggested, we started telling our children we were moving to Fl. as soon as we retired. They were not happy.

The idea has been sitting with them and us for two years. We vacillated, as did they on whether this was a good idea.

We found the Villages last April, the house goes on the market Mar 1. (lake property sells better when buyers can see the lake and not mistake it for a snow covered field) we are moving to TV as soon as it sells.

Everyone has had time to adjust to the idea of separation and while it will still be hard with pre-school aged grandchildren and our kids, that we are close to...left behind...we know TV is where we are meant to be. It is our reward for a job well done. We just can't wait to begin.

[Avista]

The one thing I like about being away from our grandchildren is each is able to visit us one at a time and become an only child for awhile. We love doting on each child alone and as an individual. Each loves coming to spend time with us without without his or her parents. We also make frequent trips to visit our families, but the individual time we spend with each child is priceless.

[beady]

Avista, looking forward to doing just what you do with the grand kiddo's. They are all a bit young right now. Great idea for a couple of years from now.

Barb1191, also a brillant idea. Next birthday that is just what I am going to give my kids.

Thanks for sharing. :clap2: :clap2:

[The Great Fumar]

BSLINY:
You've got to get hold of yourself....."I think what we have here is a failure to communicate." First you have to remember that " life begins when the kids leave home and the dog dies". Now in my case I came up with in ingenious plan, I sent my kids to summer camp and then moved away.... My biggest fear is that they will find me....but for now I having the time of my life here in
The Villages.....
excuse me while I reach for another beer fumar ;D ;D ;D ;D

[travelstiles]

:bigthumbsup:
Fumar,
Very, very funny! Life is too short to worry, vascillate and take things so seriously. If our ancestors didn't move away from family none of us would be here!
Personally, my parents would never have left their home town, regardless, and that was the right decision for them. But to those undecided who may really want to make the move, did you ever consider that if you never leave the kids, they may eventually want to move and feel that after all you did for them, now they can't leave you?
Hubby and I were single parents for a long time before we met and married 8 years ago. He raised 7 kids on his own, I raised 2. We've got 13 grandkids between us, and perhaps out of necessity all of our kids are very independent, yet close.
Of course when we first told them our plans (both about getting married 8 yrs ago and just this past year moving to The Villages from NY) a few were really surprised, but they've adjusted.
One of the first words of advice my husband gave me when I was worried about what now looks like a minor problem with one of the kids was "They'll get over it!" And he was right, they did and are very happy for us now.
You can live next door and not be close. We are thankful that we talk frequently and visit with all the kids, from Spokane, WA to Ithaca, NY. And while we've only been residents for 2 weeks, we already have 4 of our kids (plus grandkids) scheduled to visit in the next 3 months.
Regardless of where you go I have the feeling you'll also remain close.
Good luck in your decision making!

[The Great Fumar]

Travelstiles
Actually I have three children (one of each) and at first they were not thrilled about the Florida thing but now they love coming from the north in the dead of winter and seeing the mouse and playing in the pools and soaking up the palm trees.....or vice versa , When they come , they come to play and we enjoy it too. They love their new names , Exectutor #1 #2 #3 and they have the bond that makes all families close , Its called GREED.....

I love them all fumar

[MMC24]

Main reason for moving TV. Now they are just a phone call away. They come down in the winter during school vacations in Dec, Feb and April to visit the mouse and soak up some sun and fun. Best part. . . they always go home!!