Albert Einstein - A Very Belated Happy Birthday

[Muncle]

Einstein's Birthday
August 19 was Einstein's birthday. He would have been 128.

Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin,
Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919.

He stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well endowed.

He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts,
the attraction is even stronger if there is a DNA connection.

This came to be known as Einstein's Theory of Relative Titty.

Oh, be quiet - I didn't write this, I just received it and sent it on to you.

[Village Kid 2]

It's kinda like the Experiment Gone Bad. A college student created a clone of himself in the lab, but the clone was flawed. He had a filthy mouth and cursed incessantly. The student tried to catch him and take him back to the lab. He chased him through the science buiding up onto the roof. They fought. The clone fell from the roof to his death. The police came and arrested the student and charged him with ..............................making an obscene clone fall. ;D

Ta Da, VK2

[redwitch]

groan to both of you

[Boomer]

I love puns.

I hope tmro there will be a whole bunch of these things to read.

I wish I had one to contribute, but I can't remember any for now.

B3

[Village Kid 2]

Okay Boomer, here's one for you:

There was an expedition to the deepest regions of Africa in search of the exotic Foo Bird. Very few had seen it and it was the creme d'le creme of exotic birds.

So, the bird watchers from America met up with their guides for instructions. The guides said that sometimes the Foo Birds fly over and bleat out "Foo, Foo" and everyone must stand very still, not move a muncle, I mean, muscle. No matter what the Foo Bird does, no movement (kinda like the Freeze In at LSL next week).

The expedition went forward. Deep into the jungle, they suddenly heard, "Foo, Foo". Everyone froze. The wildest, most colorful birds flew over them and in mid air, pooped. It covered all the birdwatchers and was the foulest stench they had ever smelled. But they stood frozen as another group of Foo Birds flew over and again pooped all over them.

Finally, one birdwatcher could stand no more. He started for the river and fell dead in his tracks. One by one, the other birdwatchers could stand no more and fell to the same fate.

The moral of the story is................. if the Foo sh_ts, wear it.

Nite All.

[Muncle]

One more for you, B3

A frog goes into his bank and talks to the loan manager, Miss Patty Black, about getting a loan to fixup his pad. But the only thing he had as colateral was a trinket. She told the frog she would have to check with her supervisor because she couldn't grant a loan using a trinket. The supervisor looked at the trinket and said,"It's a knick knack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan".

[Village Kid 2]

Can't let Muncle have the last word tonight.......(I borrowed this one).

There was a man who entered a local newspaper's pun contest.

He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. :-*

[DickY]

http://www.clicksmilies.com/s1106/linie/smiley-linie-006.gif

[chelsea24]

OK, I'll jump right in:

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

or

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

or

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered

or

It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it. ;D

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Wish I had something to add - 1rnfl 1rnfl

HB

[tony]

So far the absolute worst, most disgusting is from the Village Kid.

". . . and charged him with ..............................making an obscene clone fall."

evil6

It got a 10 from the East German judge.

[Boomer]

You know how sometimes people tell the whole thing and then cannot remember the punchline.

My brain works in the opposite direction.

This morning when I woke up, my first thought was transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises but that's all I know.

All of these things are great. I hope this thread keeps going.

Puns are the best.

Boomer

[redwitch]

Here's the whole thing:

A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

[redwitch]

My all-time favorite pun:

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....


A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

[Boomer]

Red,

Thank you.

Now I will cross that off my list of things to think about.

That last one of yours is beautiful.

Boomer


Now, I really do have to leave my house for the day.

I'll bet there are a lot more of these things out there in TOTVland. C'mon.

[Taltarzac]

The U.S. state that employs the most illegal immigrants has a nickname, ie Call-a-foreigner.
:joke:

[Muncle]

Okay Boom, you started it.

A punch line has been going through my head all day and I cannot remember the setup.

"A mime is a terrible thing to waste."

I know it was used in Robin Hood: Men in Tights, but I seem to remember that it was a punchline in a terrible joke.

Speaking of that movie, there was an oldish TV show, very short lived, that was absolutely hilarious. When Things Were Rotten (1975) was filled with sight gags and terrible/wonderful puns. "The wall have ears" would reveal a wall covered with human ears. "Put that man in his place" would result in the Prince's guards pounding a peasant into the ground with huge sledges. And a sign something like:
Welcome to Sherwood Forest
No picnicking
No parades
No parties
No poaching
No panhandling
No piracy
No polo
No preaching
No something else
And that's only the P's

And of course, Misty Rowe as Maid Marian.

[Boomer]

Munc,

That is good stuff.

I almost missed it. I was busy doing true confessions on that Feminine Forum thread abt. Clark Gable --- that you almost ruined for me. Thank you very much. But I think I am OK now.

Something tells me that you are a Monty Python fan.

I wonder if Spamalot will hit the stage in TV.

Nobody does it better than the Brits, all the way back to Will S.

B3