Muncle
04-14-2008, 12:06 AM
Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the Cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss.
Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as..... Sinko de Mayo.
WHAT?? You expected something educational from me?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golfing Autopsy
Paul was teeing off from the back tees. On his down-swing, he suddenly realized that his wife, Alison, was about to tee off from the red tees, directly in his path. Unable to stop his down swing he nailed the ball, hit Alison directly in the right temple, killing her instantly.
A few days later Paul received a call from the coroner concerning her
autopsy . "Paul, your wife seems to have died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and struck her in the temple. Is that correct?"
"Yes sir," Paul replied, "that's correct."
"Well, Paul, I also found a large bruise on Allison's right hip. Do you know anything about that?"
"Yes sir," Paul said, "That would have been my second shot."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You be the Judge!
A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.
The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.
After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied...
"Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the Congregation
decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's
salary.
There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's
additional children were costing the
church. Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd,
'Children are a gift from God,' he said. Silence fell on the
congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice
said, 'Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it,
we wear rubbers.'
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the Cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss.
Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as..... Sinko de Mayo.
WHAT?? You expected something educational from me?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golfing Autopsy
Paul was teeing off from the back tees. On his down-swing, he suddenly realized that his wife, Alison, was about to tee off from the red tees, directly in his path. Unable to stop his down swing he nailed the ball, hit Alison directly in the right temple, killing her instantly.
A few days later Paul received a call from the coroner concerning her
autopsy . "Paul, your wife seems to have died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and struck her in the temple. Is that correct?"
"Yes sir," Paul replied, "that's correct."
"Well, Paul, I also found a large bruise on Allison's right hip. Do you know anything about that?"
"Yes sir," Paul said, "That would have been my second shot."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You be the Judge!
A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.
The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.
After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied...
"Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the Congregation
decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's
salary.
There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's
additional children were costing the
church. Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd,
'Children are a gift from God,' he said. Silence fell on the
congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice
said, 'Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it,
we wear rubbers.'