20 Ways to Torture Telemarketers!

[Muncle]

20 Ways to Torture Telemarketers!

Sick Of Telemarketers? Try This!!

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, are they married?, kids?, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male:
Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.

6. Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?

9. After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their HOME numbers you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me, either!" Hang up.

13.Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14.Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up...louder... louder...louder...

20. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.

[Sidney Lanier]

There's also the simple solution of quietly putting the receiver down next to the phone and coming back a few minutes later to hang it up, assuming by that point that the telemarketer has given up.

We finally found it easier to sign up on the 'Do Not Call' list. In the years we've been on that, we've had literally only ONE telemarketing call, and when I politely asked the name and location of the company and had noted it, I THEN told him that we were on the 'Do Not Call' list and that I intended to report the company. He got off the phone fast! We did learn afterwards that religious, political, and charitable organizations are not subject to the 'Do Not Call' list....

One of our sons worked for years as a telemarketer; frankly I thought he was nuts, especially as he has educational qualifications that far exceed the requirements (if there are any...) for telemarketers. He arrived to work one morning to find the building padlocked, surrounded by federal agents, following the accumulation of FIVE THOUSAND formal complaints against this one company. Some 900 people out of work overnight! Now, working for a different telemarketing company, he's been promoted to reviewing the recordings of calls that resulted in positive 'hits' to make sure there will be no grounds for complaints later. Still wish he'd find something different....

[Donna]

Muncle,
That is too funny...I have to try some of those... 1rnfl 1rnfl 1rnfl 1rnfl 1rnfl 1rnfl

[Taltarzac]

We have called id and I just do not bother picking up 866 nor 800 numbers. That does not get some of the pesky callers but it seems to get most.

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Muncle, these are outrageous. :a20: :a20: 1rnfl 1rnfl 1rnfl

Have used one of them, "How are you today." It was perfect.

Thanks for posting.

HB

[KathieI]

20 Ways to Torture Telemarketers!

Sick Of Telemarketers? Try This!!

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

These are hysterical. I especially like the first one, about bankruptcy, because it REALLY happened to me.... After the Northridge earthquake, unfortunately, husband and I had to declare bankruptcy and in the 90's this was the worse time for telemarketers. So every time they called for anything at all, I would just say that I was in bankruptcy situation and could use some money from them!!! LOL!, you would hear a very faint voice response saying "Oh, sorry. Goodnite". I would LMAO but it really is an unfortunate situation and not a laughing matter but I loved doing that to them.

Thanks Muncle, I'm still talking to you even though you didn't show up on Friday. See ya next month, no excuses!!

Kath

[Muncle]

Thanks Muncle, I'm still talking to you even though you didn't show up on Friday. See ya next month, no excuses!!

Kath




Sorry, I've got a dental appt., or I'm playing golf, or my great aunt's funeral is that day, or the plumber's coming that afternoon, or I'm washing my hair, or I've got a headache, or . . .

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Muncle, I thought you were telling the poor Telemarketer all of your problems and woes and that is why you could not attend the luncheon. ;D

HB

[uujudy]

Muncle, these are wonderful! 040 1rnfl :clap2: :clap2: Thanks so much! I can use some of these!

We are unfortunate enough to have a phone number that's 1 digit different from a new Texas Roadhouse restaurant. Before they opened they had a huge banner on their building stating that they were accepting applications for employment and the banner had OUR phone number on it. We had hundreds of phone calls from people looking for work, or they were angry because there were no applications when they stopped at the restaurant. I couldn't call the restaurant to complain; it was OUR phone number! Even directory assistance was giving out our phone number. I finally went to the restaurant, and that's when they discovered their banner was wrong, but their number is still similar to ours. Every day around 4:00 the phone starts ringing with folks wanting to make reservations. (I usually ask them if they've heard about my soup!) I'm tempted to start taking reservations. :verymad: It would be funnier to use some of your telemarketer tips! :a20: :clap2: I can tell them we're having dinner. That will confuse them for sure. ;D

[l2ridehd]

This one is really funny.

http://www.s-anand.net/Telemarketer_in_a_murder_investigation.html

Click on the audio link, recording of a hilarious telemarketing call.

[another Linda]

This one is really funny.

http://www.s-anand.net/Telemarketer_in_a_murder_investigation.html

Click on the audio link, recording of a hilarious telemarketing call.



Now that is great!!